Masjid Bani Hashim: The Surrendered Wife

'The surrendered Wife' by Ustathah Awatif Al Hashimi : Part 1 and 2
Date:23.11.2012

We need to educate our women with what Our religion says about the
role of a wife the reason is as we are affected by the media,different
cultures around us ,our girls are being constantly bombarded by
western thinking especially about women,media is effective in
influencing women, they say that women should be feminist ,her
approach should be that she is equal to men,etc.if we have a strong
background in what our deen teaches us then we will not be
affected.this American writer who has been brought up with western
influence ,she was taught that the man and woman are equal,she married
John and she says her first few years of marriage were wonderful until
she says she started seeing his faults.so she wanted to change her
husband into what she thought is right way to doing things which means
that she was controlling him she wanted to change John into
Laura.until life became hell,they were always arguing,she says never
had peace ,she knew her married life was in a threat and that it would
not work,so she knew that this would lead to a divorce like her own
parents,so she started researching ,meeting people who had successful
marriages,thinking what made those women successful in life,she
interviewed people ,and took many years to compile this book,she took
advices of friends and family she took,this is one of the best ten
books in USA.
This book was released many years back,very nice ,so I ( meaning the
speaker) started thinking about it what is in this book that my
religion has not told us,I found that Islam has told us this and much
more almost 1400 years back.this modern women came back to the
truth,she found the golden words which Islam has already said in Quran
& Sunnah.

Islam has given a lot of importance ,to marriage,women,evidence in
Quran,Allah created man and wife together so that they have peace
.Allah made between husband and wife mercy,tasqunu ilaiha,the saqann
peace in heart and mind the most important thing in marriage,
She ( meaning Laura Doyle) said this book is a practical book,she
claims other books do not have practical reasonable advice for egs the
bible says that if you are slapped then show other cheek,this is
unreasonable advice.every woman is different but basic things were
each women are same.babies will be born and all will have mothers milk
not meat.!! This book is practical and she guarantees three
things,which will get you intimacy,love and peace in your marriage!
Don't we learn this from the Seerah of our Prophet pbuh.Our prophets
wives lives are examples,while Quran says saqan,peace,muwaadaa love
and mercy.
A woman is brought up as a sister,daughter and she has no issues but
problem starts when she becomes a spouse,so all the advice is given in
our Quran.Also if we find any advice and wisdom by others from other
community and what they say matches with our deen,then we can use it.
The base ,roots are very important,our religion promises paradise to
the woman who obeys the husband,it is a commandment from Allah swt,the
title of the book is the surrendered wife,meaning in Arabic is
tisslaaam.we surrender to our lord and a Muslim women is an obedient
wife,the promises we get,about being a good wife by our nabi PBUH are
as mentioned below:

Any woman who dies and her husband is content about her she will enter
paradise.after her death if the husband remembers her good things.
She prays five times,fasts in Ramadan and she protects her chastity
and obeys her husband.these are the conditions that will take her to
janaah.
So after fulfilling Allah's Haq,she protects her chastity and is
obedient to her husband,then Allah says enter from any gates of
paradise!

Once Abubakar Siddiq (RA) asked prophet pbuh will there be any person
who will be called from all the doors,he pbuh said yes and I believe
you will be from one of them.
SubhanAllah and look how by doing simple things a woman will be also
called by eight doors of paradise,the fruit of aakhiraah is also
important.
If her intention is to obey her husband,she will be on the right path.

Another incident, When a woman complained to prophet pbuh saying we
cannot earn ajar,more rewards like men,As men earn more rewards ,when
they go to jihad they go to masjid for Jamaa but we stay at
home.prophet PBUH said stay home you will get ajar and other
narration by being obedient wife taking care of her husband,you will
rewards.

Once a sahaabiyah was asked by our nabi pbuh she said I obey all his
commands except those which are impossible to do it,prophet PBUH said
see where are you from him,either he ( the husband) is your paradise
or hellfire.we should not obey husband in evil.if you obey your
husband in good then he will be a reason for your paradise,ask
yourself what do you want.The paradise and hellfire will start from
here,the dunya.

The writer Laura Doyle said she had no peace and she felt as if she
was walking on hellfire.But by obeying a woman will get
sukoon,peace,raayaa,get rid of negative thinking,a woman will be more
productive to herself, to the family to the society,these are the few
fruits in duniya whicle we as Muslims have another essence that we
will get a big nyaamaah.
The chapter starts like this our thinking and action is like spider
web which we surround us with it,the problems come in life due to
this.

In Quran Allah says that didn't the musseba come to you due to
yourself so ask Allah's forgiveness!
These days we have all heard of Neuro Linguistic programming or NLP.
NLP is when u program ur mind that this is what I will do for egs
programming the computer.if you program yourself that I will be
surrendered wife then you will function like that u want jannatul
aalaa then your words and actions will be like that.many psychologists
say that the self has no confidence in themselves,many people behave
according to that programming.so we want to change our habit,change
the media,the series,we remove the wrong things and fill it with the
Quran and Sunnah and the right advice by family.

The author then explains about how she started bringing the change in
herself.In the beginning she used to start the day by saying
surrender,surrender ,surrender for everything which was very difficult
for a dominating woman to do.she says that she realized that there are
faults in her,so she says we can advice others but don't try to
change people! Our ,prophet PBUH has adviced us to give advice but
cannot change people ,he could not change his uncle.our nafs, is
important,the day we change we will see change around us,minds have
changed,ideas changed,this is how change will be effective,
When we started imitating the west what happened the woman went behind
then the divorce rate has increased,the UAE rate amongst the locals in
the year 2010 was
1486 , and these are the ones which were registered,the legal ones,in
year 2011 it reached to 1849 ! SubhanAllah! in one year it increased
to little more than 24% as they started following the wrong mentality!
for the non locals it was 583 in 2012 and it increased to 686 in 2011!

There are six more things that the advisor ( Laura Doyle) gives us:

1)GIVE UP CONTROLLING YOUR HUSBAND:
Most important advice,if you look into your lives you will see that
everywife tries to control her husband at some point or the other!if
someone says she has not or does not then she is lying, it is not
possible,as everyone does.

2) SURRENDER and you will be in peace: look at the mirror and say this
to yourself EVERYDAY "surrender" ,very important therapy.start using
the ears more by listening,and use the tongue less by controlling
it!Respect your husband : our religion also says this,there is a
reason that he is your husband not your wife!

3) ACCEPT HIS GIFTS WITH CONTENTMENT :gifts are always not
tangible,physical items even a good talk with him should be
appreciated ,any help ,even a smile all these can be his gifts! Learn
to be content and appreciative.

4)EXPRESS WHAT YOU WANT CLEARLY ,DO NOT ASSUME THAT HE KNOWS WHAT IS
IN YOUR MIND:
if you need anything tell him clearly , don't order,don't show the
means,just say what you want what you dont want.don't think that what
you are thinking is what he thinks,so don't assume that he knows,so
express sweetly,kindly,,respectfully.

5)MONEY MATTERS ONLY FOR HUSBAND TO TAKE CARE: leave the money
management to him.Allah says in Quran that leave the money in his
matter.there is only one captain in the ship. the wife is the
managress,she manages the home and spends judiciously ,sensibly!

6)" ME TIME":: Have some time for yourself,come out of the
"dawaam",whirlpool, the daily routine about your children,your
family etc but have time for yourself to learn ilm,Increase your
knowledge in Quran,for worship ibaadaah,the" ME time" you give to
yourself will be a positive injection to yourself and will be
superpower and you will be productive to family,society.

Hadith :where

When once A Sahabah Jabal al Muaad came to our prophet PBUH saying
that I saw people of different nations prostrating to their king with
love and respect so why don't we prostrate to you our prophet PBUH to
this what did our prophet reply: he said that
If I would have commanded anyone to prostrate anyone then I would have
commanded the wives to prostrate to their husband! !
Of course it is forbidden to prostrate to anyone in our religion
except to our Lord Allah but this statement it shows importance of the
husband in our religion!

Another Hadith the woman does not complete Allah's rights until she
completes the rights of her husband if he asked her or wanted anything
from her and the wife was seated ,even on the back of camel she
should obey and in another Hadith prophet PBUH says that even if she
is in tannour ( meaning she is cooking at the oven) she should
obey.subhanallahM

Umm Maryam,mother of Maryam ale Salam ( grand mum of ISA ale Salam)
said to Allah that female cannot be like male and Allah confirmed this
in Quran.also men are attracted to women,so he should take out his
desire with his wife,the halal way,if any wife did not answer or
respond to her husbands desire in the night then she gets the curse of
the angels throughout the night!

Laura says If you cannot say something beautiful then don't say anything.
Our prophet pbuh said the one who believes in Allah and in doJ ( day
of judgement) then either say khair or do not speak.
If it was easy for husband and wife to have a good life without
struggle,then what happens to SHAYTAN.the biggest iblees,SHAYTAN is
seated on the throne on the water,sea.he sends his children,army of
shaytan out daily to corrupt the people,so they al, go out to worl to
spread mischief and when they return in the evening they give the
biggest shaytan an update of what they did ,so for egs one shaytan
says that ,I did this this till the person did fornication,zinnah or
someone says he made a person comity the crime of murder or all the
sins.But to all this the big SHAYTAN says you have done nothing,until
one of his worker comes to say that I did not leave the individual
until the husband and wife separated,the iblees then honors such a
SHAYTAN! Subahanllah.
This is the biggest trick the SHAYTAN plays is on couples.this is
the biggest jihad,is with our husband and house.

Don't compare your husband with other husbands,our prophet PBUH saw
in his night journey of Israa ul mairaj, many women in hellfire than
men,he said they were there for mainly two reasons

1) the women,They curse a lot with their tongues and 2)are not
thankful to their husbands they are never content.
So for women we must give a lot of sadaqaa as this is a cleanser,do
not compare your husbands to other husbands,like in media
movies,drama.the movies ,serials all corrupt the minds imagining
those characters are nicer husbands but if you looked at their real
life stories they would be miserable!Stop watching these movies then
your husband will look more handsome and romantic,like the woman who
used to compare the garden of neighbor and think that the neighbors
graden is so awesome until one day when this woman visits the neighbor
and sees the garden from close proximity that she realises Joe ugly
and dirty is that garden!

Everything that shines cannot be beautiful,sometimes the cupboard whi
h Are shining on the exterior but inside is garbage so not every ones
life is not as it shows,leave the unimaginable world,live in real
life,be wise to learn the techniques of life,as woman as
muslimah,until we met Allah swt.there is always improvement and best
of us are those who identify their mistakes and not point others
mistakes!

Sometimes people find faults in others ,so this wife when she finds
his fault then she feels as if she has captured a buried treasure!
this is wrong.then this wife uses this to anger the husband by
pointing his faults!

Allah swt says in Quran that forgive.we do not forgive the best
valuable person in our lives,SubhanAllah,our prophet pbuh says that by
forgiving you will have more honour,a person who forgives inspite of
having the ability to take revenge this person is not weak he is a
giant,he is strong and huge .advice the right things and keep away
from ignorant friends.the person who fights back takes revenge is
actually a midget!

They teach young girls that show the husband your red eye so he knows
who is the boss in the house! SubhanAllah this leads to the breaking
of the house.
A person who takes a revenge is like a midget,short ,everything they
see in life seems very big,so they want to take revenge,a problem
comes it seems as a tree and they try to break with stones!how about
when it is your own beloved husband,there are many ways that we must
manage the anger.the word once out cannot be taken back but if it is
in ,controlled tongue,then it can change the atmosphere,use your
energy do wudhu,change the mood,it will disappear and you will come
smiling,and the person who hurt you will feel guilty and come and
apologize.by doing this you make the person realize his mistake.

What did our nabi pbuh say that the martyrs truthful ones and prophets
are in paradise and do you know the women who are in paradise,theybare
the fertile ones meaning who love to have children,the loving
women,who is kind and soft,she tries to please her husband always even
if she is oppressed,madloomm and not dhaalim she is oppressed yet she
goes to her husband as she wants ajar ,this is a paradise woman,she
says to her husband holding her hand saying I will not be able to go
to bed peacefully until you are pleased with me.this is a paradise
woman!
I will not sleep until you are pleased with me.SubhanAllah this is
sending message of peace,love mercy!

We should see the faults inside us instead of looking for faults in
others as we are responsible first for ourselves.sometimes we are in
situations where the spouse may use abusive words on the wife.so the
women should revise and recall if she has done something similar in
the past,that did she ever use bad words!

Men are similar in nature to camels .camels are very patient being
,they will not say, will be quiet,how much ever the camel is
annoyed,disturbed,troubled he will remain cool composed and patient
but after sometime ,maybe many months or years then he will burst and
then it will be difficult to cool.even the smallest thing that u do
will be like the last straw on him.
The woman will wonder what she has done wrong thinking that she hardly
said anything this time and has gotten away saying much more in the
past!SubhanAllah !

Always be better and always have hulum,patience.
The last point is that we do many things to obey our husband, but
Laura says we must not surrender or must not take the following things
:
1)Physical Abuse
2)If he is an alcoholic
3)Child abuse
4)If he is betraying you,khiyaanaa,betrayal.

When he wants the women to do things which are against Quran and
Sunnah then she has to be firm ,my aakhirah I am answerable.
So this is in terms of physical abuse ,our prophet never raised hand
or hurt anyone except our Quran says that if a wife becomes arrogant
on husband then he must advise her with love ,then he will turn
himself from the bed,ignoring her,then he has the right to hit her not
to abuse her,no face no body but to hit with a miswaaq very gently
this is to nurture her.if she is ignoring the house,using bad words
being abusive to children ,she needs to be nurtured!

Today there are organizations who help abused women!

How come a man hits the woman as a slave and in the night sleeps with
her,is he not ashamed of himself says prophet PBUH.

If a woman is patient with him then it is ajar.reward.
About alcohol whoever buys,serves or drinks or eats money out of it
this is haraam in Islam.there are clear laws against alcohol in
Islam,it is clearly forbidden.

The one who is doing ziinaa ,betraying,then prophet PBUH PBUH saw men
standing in front of fresh meat ,this indicates,halaal wife but are
eating rotten meat going to haraam comiting fornication.the
punishment is stoning such a man who does fornication even though he
has a halal wife at home,once a Sahabah came and confessed to prophet
pbuh hat he did wrong did zinnah and wanted to repent.he kept saying
to nabi and when he said the third time then nabi PBUH asked if he had
a wife he said yes and inspite of this he went to haram...so prophet
PBUH gave the ruling of stoning,rajam .this man came and rajam was
done.

Another Hadith where prophet PBUH said regarding the woman from
Ghamid who was stoned to death: “She has repented such a repentance
that, were it to be divided among seventy of Madina’s residents it
would cover them. Have you seen a better repentance than her giving
away herself for Allah.”

RECAP:

The reason this topic was chosen by the speaker was specifically for the young Muslim girls and young women who are following the western ideologies blindly.In current times when the western media incorrectly talks about Muslim women being subjugated,here is an attempt by the speaker to prove them wrong and show to the Muslim youth the real picture of how Islam instills great values in an individual which if practiced by us muslims would lead to happier ,healthier, peaceful communities.

Laura Doyle, an educated women with western upbringing,western mentality compiled her book after many years of research,study ,interviews,So the speaker compared this book to see what is it that Islam has not mentioned ,if at all , and what is it that does not match with our deen.She found that there are very few things mentioned in the Book,which do not match with our religion,our deen,so she did not take these points .As we all know that when any thing does not match with our religion & clashes with the Quran and Sunnah then we must leave it!Therefore pls be informed that ,it is just the title 'The Surrendered Wife 'that has been taken as the topic and the rest of the subject matter is from Quran and Sunnah.Also don't imagine that the Hadith and verses of Quran mentioned during this talk are mentioned in Laura Doyle's book,not at all! only the points which match are mentioned in line with our Islamic ruling ,the sharia.

This author Laura was wise enough to save her marriage,as she realized that it would end up in divorce if she did not start controlling the damage already made.In her own words she describes that in her troubled days of marriage she felt as though she was walking on hellfire .she realized that she was trying to control her husband which was one of the issue.then she was guided to compile this book which has saved many marriages.this is not to promote this book,the advice contained in book is good but it is just a few drops in the ocean while what we have in Quran will not fill even seven oceans!!

Our Islam guarantees paradise to the woman who obeys her husband,this is not a matter of choice but a matter of command of our Lord and His messenger.when a woman follows the obligations,protects her chastity and protects herself from major sins,she will be called from the eight doors of paradise,this is an honour similar to the one given to Abubakr Siddiq ! this is given to the obedient wife.the wife is doing the basic,just following the duties of a wife ,this is not easy ,this is why we have been reminded so many times.when our prophet PBUH went on isra ul Mairaj,he pbuh saw that there were more women in hellfire, so he PBUH was asked that was it because the women folk worship Allah less compared to men.Prophet PBUH said No,but they curse a lot and they are not thankful to their husbands.another Hadith states that if the husband does good to the wife for the whole year and misses out once,then the women complains that the whole life the husband has not done her good,she is very forgetful!!

Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you." Sahih Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 2, Number 28

(Aaishah RA said that even if the woman wipes the dust from her husband's feet and puts it on her face then also she has not fulfilled the right of husband.we forget this nyaamaah of Allah.Aishah RA urged women to take good care of their husbands ,tor recognise the rights that their husbands had over them.She saw these rights as being so great and so important that woman was barely qualified to wipe the dust from her husbands feet with her face,as she stated:'O Womenfolk ,if you knew the rights that your husbands have over you,every one of you would wipe the dust from her husband's feet with her face').

The husbands have the right to be obeyed as the men are taking care,doing hard work,protecting so they deserve this respect.every ship has one captain.when Yusuf ale salaam spoke about his dream to his father Yaqub ale salaam who informed him that the sun in his dreams is the mother which is mentioned in quran before qama,the moon representing the father.So remember the father and mother,husband and wife,the sun and moon ,both have role to play,you cannot tell the sun to play the role of moon!

So Laura says that if you apply what she says then she guarantees a happy marriage.

The dunya is just a tail of aakhirah.if you are running after aakhirah then dunya will follow you but if you go for dunya you will fail in aakhirah.Whatever you invest here with the aim being paradise ,then the reward you will take from Allah,then you will feel the contentment as you are getting it from Allah,you feel the blessings in dunya.there are things and tips that we need to think about as we have to live with our family.our prophet pbuh said that marry , take care of one half and he will take care of the other half,so we will get the love intimacy that we are looking for in life.

Because of their ( 'uncontrolled use' of ) tongue a lot of human beings will fall in hellfire,so we should learn to swallow the words,if you know the words that you will utter will have ill effects then better not to say,keep it in heart,especially with your husband with whom you are spending your life with!

So we want to live in peace and harmony,we don't want to have conflicts,issues with our husband.women's nature is that they want a man to act like a man,exhibit manhood,be at the top so we cannot expect the man to have hormones of women,behave like women! so the women who want to control their men are being wrong,against nature!

For egs a real story of a women who had got engaged to a man but later she broke her engagement with him as she said he behaved like a woman.if she was not around he would be emotional and cry for her,so she did not like this,So let's leave the emotional part for women!

Don't try to search the faults in the husband as if you are searching a lost treasure from your backyard.try to forgive.Forgiveness is divine. for egs if today he made a mistake ,you forgive and if,tomorrow he makes a mistake again & if you have the forgiving nature then you will be forgiven,if you are kind then this is an investment that you will see it's rewards multiplied coming back to you.Learn to be kind and forgiving and you will see the rewards here in dunya before aakhirah!

Every human being makes mistakes,our job is to better ourselves as our focus is aakhirah.instead of looking for mistakes in others I must look into my faults.people who forgive are like Giants as they have big hearts,they are not affected by small stones swirled at them ! While people who do not forgive are like midgets who get miserable,they want to take steps by taking revenge by words and actions.this way of taking revenge is temporary as you have lost that person even though you won for a brief moment,that person will think ten times before establishing any relation with you.

We need to work for aakhirah.imagine you are a company,a company has capital which includes it's human capital ,money, material,it has a lawyer (who acts like a mediator,diffuser,cooler ) & an accountant (who provides you with details of all accounts).

The lawyer works for the company works for others,the human capital are your family members and accountant gives you details of how people behaved with you,then the lawyer says forgive them so that they don't lose the capital,ignore forgive,remember all the Hadith where the forgiveness is done by muhsineen,the excellent believers.

The wise person sees mistake and he ignores,if they see someone doing wrong then this wise person will feel forgive,as though this is like a child,so let me forgive,this Technique helps,it teaches how to behave with others.this investment is for your aakhirah,never wait from your family anything from anyone,whatever you do do ,do it for yourself,instead of changing people try to change yourselfas we are responsible for ourself not for others,we can kindly advice but we cannot control them ,they are souls of different mind, unlike us!!

Our religion says that we obey our husband but not to obey blindly,if this obedience clashes with our Islamic ruling,huqum,shariaa,then we dont obey as we are responsible for our aakhirah,at the same time women should be firm in their beliefs,when you know what is halal and haram,a Muslim man will know what is the law,if he is doing something wrong he will know,there is hikmah, wisdom for everything.

Today's talk begins from here,the above was the refresher,recap:

THANKFULNESS TO HUSBAND:

Allah swt does not look at the women who does not thank her husband,kufraaan means not appreciating the blessing of Allah kufraaan is opportunity to shukar.everyday you wake up thank Allah for the blessings ! we value this life and be thankful we are making aakhirah better.SubhanAllah people in aakhirah will regret,they say we are regretting for that one hour that we did not invest it in dunya for aakhirah.

There is huquq Allah ,rights of Allah and huquq ibaad,Rights of worshippers.on day of judgement,doJ,whatever was related to Allah,Allah will forgive but whatever you have done wrong with people then scores would have to be settled amongst the people.

My friend advised me that in this world it is better to live madhloom,oppressed than the oppresor,dhaaleem,if someone has taken your right it is better to keep quiet ,there is aakhirah,sometimes you don't get your right in dunya as Allah has kept something better for aakhirah.the problem is that we don't have Sabr and we want rewards and results quickly.

Always make life simple,keep it sweet and simple (KISS) :

What men need from their wives ,it will fall under the following three categories:

1)Obedience ,ataa

2)Hifdh, protect( his child his house etc)

3)Appreciation ( attention,boosting their ego)

What woman needs from her husband will also fall in the following three categories:

1)Love

2)Respect

3)Kindness,tenderness,softness,

Our Prophet PBUH advised the men to be kind to their women as they are made from curved rib.

So remember you have been made from the curved rib of the man,which one is the most curved rib of a man,the top one which is closer to HIS HEART,protect this part 'the heart',if we try to go above the heart near the head reaching the mind,then you will become the mother.ordering the commands,we don't want another child in the house we want husband!

Also don't go below the heart such that he will step on you,crush you.any man who is an alcoholic drinks ,womanizes does zinna or fornication this is wrong!

These are the emotions ,so don't try to change it don't make men become women and women become men,this is wrong!

So when you are becoming a surrendered women you are going back to the reality.the women in JANNAH as prophet pbuh said are those women in paradise who are the fertile women,meaning women who love to bring children! today women don't want to bring children this is against Sunnah,al wuddud means the women that loves the husband so kind,and loving that been if she is oppressed,even if we make him angry this is jihad,you are swallowing the words controlling your anger,you know the Hadith that this women is from paradise.in angry conflict situations,calm down,be patient,control your anger and hold his hands.when you start implementing this you will start seeing results ,it will be difficult in the beginning,but continue doing it then it will become a habit.In Islam we are taught to train ourselves you will not learn until you train yourself,for egs Islam teaches us to have taqwaa thru fasting,daily five times prayer is also training to become better Muslims.So should we not train ourselves to become good wives as our husbands are our way to achieve JANNAH in the aakhirah.

Do you know how women try to control their husbands by saying don't go here or there or not letting them say what they want to say for egs a visit to the doctor and the woman starts talking ,this is wrong!

We should learn to BE CONTENT

One mother advised her daughter about marriage : she says live with contentment,live with him by listening and obeying him.protect his children and money this shows good management,we can see how the house is run by seeing how she manages the house.don't expose his secrets,if you want your husband to love you then don't ever tell his secrets to anybody,NEVER! If there are secrets never should it come out.as prophet PBUH said that it is as though SHAYTAN and the female SHAYTAN ( shaytaana ) are doing things in the street!

We come to the point of six things we need to do:

1) ' YOU AS A PERSON':

Many times women forget about themselves,neglecting themselves and this affects her life,this leads to lack of confidence in the women.for egs a husband was highly educated and the women was not,this does not mean that you should stop using your brain when you get married,SubhanAllah! so this woman who after marriage is focusing only husband, children, home only then a day comes when husband says I don't want you as my mind and your mind does not function together,no intellectual compatibilty ,it's not nice for the husband to say that but he may say!

A)) INVEST YOUR TIME in education,for your husband your house your children,if you are educated in shariah it is enough for dunya and aakhirah,our prophet PBUH never went to any school or university but his PBUH education was divine,so we should have the yaqeen,firm belief with certainty that whatever is in our deen is perfect,for our learning,our position.

B)) TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH,DIET HABITS ,APPEARANCE:

Some women after they get married they indulge in eating,get overweight this is wrong,this is no excuse that you are married with children so not required,this is wrong if we took care of ourselves before marriage then why not after marriage??

Imagine if a woman becomes fat then when she dies how many people will be required to carry her to the graveyard,SubhanAllah ,we should be smart ,our prophet PBUH has given us very beautiful recipe for diet,He PBUH has asked us to fill our stomach :

One third for your food,one third for your water and one third for your air.

HADITH : On the authority of Al-Miqdaam ibn Maadiy-Karib who said: I heard the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) saying:

“No human ever filled a vessel worse than the stomach. Sufficient for any son of Adam are some morsels to keep his back straight. But if it must be, then one third for his food, one third for his drink and one third for his breath.”

[Ahmad, At-Tirmidhi, An-Nasaa'I, Ibn Majah – Hadith sahih]

Protect yourself don't overeat,basic Hadith,each person knows what they need!!

The man steps out of the house he sees beautiful women,so you should not let him get attracted to haram,this will be wrong and by being fat,being overweight affects our lives our confidence!

When your husband returns home you should be well presented doesn't mean that you doll up like a mannequin and stand in front of him, NO!!Always have the motto that I will do the best for myself,always feel young always take care,of your appearance.Also take CARE OF YOUR HUSBANDS NOSE ,EYES EARS !! A wife must smell good,look good and speak good for the sake of her husband..restrain your speech, speak only good ,if nothing good to say then keep quiet!!

PERFUME yourself for your husbands sake,don't smell of spices when he comes home from work!Also never be jealous if husband is taking care of his health ,his looks .The wife who does not take care of herself gets jealous when she finds her husband well groomed,this is wrong.why should you feel bad only when you don't take care of yourself!

Aaisha RA said that prophet PBUH loved perfume so she applied the best perfume in her palms and would then apply it on his body.How many of us have ever done this to our husbands??

We know when we read about prophet PBUH performing aitikaaf in the masjid that she used to comb his hair,so why do we read this in Hadith...just to know about the romance of nabi PBUH! NO , but to learn and apply this in our lives!!

When you are drinking something share with your husband in same cup or glass, we read in Hadith that when Aaisha RA would drink prophet PBUH would drink from the Same cup and from the same place she had sipped the drink.This is out of love !! if we feed one morsel,luqmaa to our husband with love then we earn ajar.these are tips for intimacy we are looking for in our marriage!! Our religion teaches us....SubhanAllah

If he opens the door for you appreciate it don't say that I don't need it I can open the door myself !

Remember the Hadith when our Rasul pbuh allowed his wife Safia to put her feet on his knees in order to climb the camel,gave his lap for her to go up on the camel after the battle of Khaiber!!

Details of this Hadith: Narrated Anas bin Malik: The Prophet came to Khaibar and when Allah made him victorious and he conquered the town by breaking the enemy's defense, the beauty of Safiya bint Huyai bin Akhtab was mentioned to him and her husband had been killed while she was a bride. Allah's Apostle selected her for himself and he set out in her company till he reached Sadd-ar-Rawha' where her menses were over and he married her. Then Hais (a kind of meal) was prepared and served on a small leather sheet (used for serving meals). Allah's Apostle then said to me, "Inform those who are around you (about the wedding banquet)." So that was the marriage banquet given by Allah's Apostle for (his marriage with) Safiya. After that we proceeded to Medina and I saw that Allah's Apostle was covering her with a cloak while she was behind him. Then he would sit beside his camel and let Safiya put her feet on his knees to ride (the camel).

C)))TRUST YOUR HUSBANDS ROMANTIC ABILITY:

With us the problem is that we do not trust our husband's romantic ability,let him feel he is doing it for me,these are small gestures of love which should become huge in our eyes.Appreciate the smallest of his efforts.

D))) DONT HAVE HUGE EXPECTATIONS: DON'T COMPARE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS ,these are blessings,Nyamaah from Allah appreciate it,be thankful! Appreciate any gift even if it is a small piece of paper,appreciate the hands that brought it for you,imagine what he would have been thinking when he bought this gift for you,imagine that he must have in his mind that let me take this for the flower in my life, my wife!

E))LEARN THE ART OF APPRECIATION:

When anyone gifts us anything we are appreciative ,thankful then why not with our own husband.learn the Art of appreciation! I wish I made this person happier,at least thank the person,how about your husband,when he says that come I will take you for a drive,appreciate this Nyamah.even to have shawrama sandwich in car ,it is about romance ,have this imagination,love the thing that you have, enjoy every moment you have every suqoonn,peaceful tranquil times, you have .don't love the things that you don't have..then you will be miserable.

Once the speaker asked her pious friend,how she runs her life as her friend was at peace and would do a lot of good deeds,spreading goodness,khair for people all for the aakhiraah, how Allah gives you so much barakaah,this was just to take advice.

She said that there is one thing She did everyday,which was to do ' sajdaa shukur' that she has her husband in her life,.she was grateful to Allah for the blessing of herhusband and all the bounties that Allah had provided her with, for the countless blessings,then she would see the result,As she would have contentment,peace always,

If we see worse things in others then we should compare, why are we comparing Inorder to be grateful to Allah for our blessings.

The Speaker shared some very wise words that she was given by her mother who had advised,that a woman should see in her man the following three things:

1))The man should not be a womanizer,then say alhamdulilah

2))The man should not be an alcoholic,Not drinking alcohol then say alhamdulilah ,this means they have fear of Allah.

3))The man is not abusing physically and verbally,this is paradise in the world.

Say alhamdulilah ,dont make money and material your happiness,then this becomes the misery in life,if we are grateful Allah will give more and more.so accept the gift you get,the efforts he takes for you, the kind words he says , then you are accepting these gifts not for the price but for it's the value,this is very important!

2)) HAVE GOOD RIGHTEOUS FRIENDS LIKE BUKHOOR:

Increase your friendship with ladies,this will help in reducing the stress in your life.

When you go for religious study circles,you earn more rewards more ajar,going to halaqaat ilm,it is also cleansing you of your sins this is also an encouragement for socializing. when you meet your friends in Islam in such circles and your friends compliment you and flatter you ,this is good for you.this is good they take out your stress they make you laugh they encourage you in good.

Think of ten things that makes you relaxed do at least three of these things ,if you like to eat good food then do that ( but within limits:-),if you like do to ibaadat then do it,the best love is for Allah's sake. A good friend is the one who gives good advice,some friends can be dangerous who can poison your home,they want only to break your home ,your mental peace be away from them.

Hadith good friends are like musk..

Have friends like oudh who will give you good advice,as prophet pbuh said,that some friends are like blacksmiths who will burn your body or make u smell like black smoke so. We must be careful with whom we are friends.

DETAILS OF HADITH:Abu Musa reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said, “The parable of a good friend and a bad friend is that of a carrier of musk and a blacksmith. The carrier of musk will give you some, or you will buy some, or you will notice a good smell; but as for the blacksmith, he will burn your clothes or you will notice a bad smell.”

[Sahih Muslim, Book 32, Number 6361]

عَنْ أَبِي مُوسَى عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ‏ إِنَّمَا مَثَلُ الْجَلِيسِ الصَّالِحِ وَالْجَلِيسِ السَّوْءِ كَحَامِلِ الْمِسْكِ وَنَافِخِ الْكِيرِ فَحَامِلُ الْمِسْكِ إِمَّا أَنْ يُحْذِيَكَ وَإِمَّا أَنْ تَبْتَاعَ مِنْهُ وَإِمَّا أَنْ تَجِدَ مِنْهُ رِيحًا طَيِّبَةً وَنَافِخُ الْكِيرِ إِمَّا أَنْ يُحْرِقَ ثِيَابَكَ وَإِمَّا أَنْ تَجِدَ رِيحًا خَبِيثَةً

2628 صحيح مسلم كِتَاب الْبِرِّ وَالصِّلَةِ وَالْآدَابِ بَاب اسْتِحْبَابِ مُجَالَسَةِ الصَّالِحِينَ وَمُجَانَبَةِ قُرَنَاءِ السُّوءِ

3))EXPRESS YOUR VIEWS WHEN ASKED :

It is nice to express your views,unless you have been asked by your husband. for egs then say at the treaty of Hudaibiyah when the Sahabah did not follow the instructions of prophet PBUH,then he PBUH discussed this matter with his wife Umm Salamah.She,

Umm salamah advised our prophet PBUH that you do it so that they will follow.this was an advice of a woman,when did she speak to express her views only when nabi pbuh talked to her and expressed to her.We must take lessons from all these incidents from our prophets life.

4))) GIVE YOUR HUSBAND HIS SPACE :

Hazrat Khadijah RA has been described as the best wife ,although there was huge difference between the two considering their age, social status ,backgrounds however their compatibility is an example for us to learn from! Our prophet pbuh was yateem and poor and young unmarried while ,she was older, rich was married from two husbands with children.

He pbuh got the prophecy at age of forty ,he used to isolate himself in the cave and what was hazrat Khadijah's reaction to this? she was an extremely supportive, understanding wife who used to leave him in his privacy, used to take care of him by visiting him there to provide him with food . sometimes men need privacy,don't interfere with their time,they have a cave,inside them they go inside this cave they have hundred and one problems in mind,leave him ,cool him down give him his food.

on the contrary what does the wife of today's times do when she finds her husband in a quiet reflective mood, will go and tell him you don't love me,you are ignoring me ,you are rude to me...

5)))TRUST YOUR HUSBAND:

We should learn from hazrat Khadijah of how to be a righteous wife.She was always with our prophet through happy,difficult times, always trusted her husband.We have to be with our husband whether there is money or not ,if husband suffers from bad health then help him ,your qualities should always encourage him.For egs if husband is suffering from financial crisis then don't make him feel miserable,don't say that I told you not to invest in this company etc,he needs support from you ,nice words like , its all right we will survive tomorrow we will have khair.

Why prophet Muhammad PBUH never forgot Khadijah ?She was always by his side in difficult times he never forgot her loyalty her support,he PBUH remembered her all through his life,even after many years of his death,all the other wives knew that they could not take that special place of Khadijah from Rasul Salalaho alibi wassalam's heart. prophet pbuh even remembered Hazrat Khadijah's friends even long after she had died.He pbuh did not forget that when Jibreel ale Salam came with the first revelation in Cave Hiraa,how Khadijah RA comforted him,believed in him,trusted his experience.She supported him and took him to her cousin, Warqa bin Naufal who was al asraani and believed in one God,he was on tauheed,the cousin about whom it is said that he also translated the injeel in Arabic,he was an Aalim, a scholar.

Also when she took the prophet PBUH .did she speak and narrate the entire incident of Jibreel meeting prophet PBUH,NO! instead she let her husband PBUH speak and asked her cousin to take care of 'your cousin'. ( meaning prophet muhammad PBUH),then prophet PBUH spoke,she did not talk! this shows that she is giving confidence to prophet pbuh to express himself.Warqaa , who was a blind old scholar after listening said that it is Jibreel coming to you and one day your people of makkah will expel you from your land as it happened to prophets in the past.Khadijah RA supported him believed him,she is the first person the first woman to believe ,to become a muslim,it is our mother of Khadijah.rA.

So don't interfere when your husband wants his space then give him that time,he wants to go to friends let him go,then he will return back to you refreshed.

Laura says now don't live in the past don't live in the future while our religion says that dont live in the past but use your today to think about aakhirah,the hereafter ! Our scholars have said that if you are in the morning then don't wait for night ,huzun sadness is from past and fear is from future,but don't take too much tension,people who are not in emaan and taqwaa they invest in their children for university,Allah is razzak,He takes care of everyone's future in the dunya,

The last part:if you want to be a good wife

6))LISTEN MORE AND TALK LESS:

Keep quiet and listen more,it's nice to express,nice to ask directly without blaming and complaining ask innocently in a nice way.once rasul PBUH took safia out of her camel and found that her camel was slow,he noticed that she was sad and crying and she said my she camel is slow, so our rasul Salam wiped her tears gently and calmed her down.SubhanAllah.

Always Praise loud but criticize slowly in a gentle manner,remember that the softness affects while the harshness takes people far.having conversation is important with husband and wife,but it should have some aim,not just gossiping or damaging his family, your inlaws,this is wrong,remember if the husband goes far from his family his flesh and blood due to you then it is very easy for him to throw you out from his life(.If your husband breaks ties with his family of so many years will he take time in cutting his relation with you of few years?).

If you love your family,your brothers,sisters parents then he too loves his family,be good to them .Remember you are new in his family,his family has been there with him all these years ,their bonds and relations are well established ,so it is upon the woman to take efforts and blend into his family, we need to gain his family,start to adjust to gain their love don't change anyone.CHANGE YOURSELF TO ADAPT and don't try to change others!

Have one rule at one time,this is better,but women just speak everything.When the husband returns from work then give him time .

Give your husband ninety minutes,give him space to relax,give him time to shower, pray give time to fresh ,take care of his stomach,his food then he will be ready and refreshed and you can have a healthy time with him! ((remember this ninety minutes rule!)

May Allah give us the power of understanding ,patience to apply these practical tips with guidance in our lives.

Make Dua that Ya Allah show me my mistakes,we are blind we cannot see our mistakes,Ya Allah make me do things which you will be pleased with.if you are obeying husband then remember you are doing it for the sake of Allah.

If you leave something for Allah's sake Allah will give you more,always think about aakhirah!

Have patience while you are applying these tips,don't expect to see the results overnight.Also remember this is your jihad,struggle in dunya to seek the JANNAH in aakhirah,you may find obstacles while doing this,overcome them with reliance in Allah.You may even hear remarks such that "what happened to you" don't let this discourage you ,don't go back to your old ways if you are trying to change.Be patient ,have positive thinking and the you will see results,good results will come with time.

BE POSITIVE ALWAYS :

A Quick tip to always have positive thinking ,remember it comprises of three things the first part is the thoughts,ideas in your brain which affects the second part which is your attitude and finally it translates into the action.So if you have positive thoughts in any situation it will translate into a positive attitude and your action will be positive! on the contrary if you just switch or incline towards negativity then the result will be negative.So remain positive always with reliance in Allah!

Wassalam ,

Assalamalaikum wa rahmatullah dear All,

First of all thank you so much ,Jazakom Allah khairan,for all of your lovely messages on how wonderful ,effective you found this lecture's first part of notes to be.May Allah reward our Teacher abundantly in dunya and aakhirah for speaking on a subject which is so close to all of our hearts.May Allah elevate the ranks of all the sisters and organisers who facilitated this event to take place.May all our deeds be purely to seek the pleasure of Allah and may HE make us from the ones who translate this beneficial knowledge into actions to gain our aakhirah.Aameen.
Please find my notes from the concluding part of this lecture.Let us share this with our sisters in islam via emails, also in our social gatherings as our teacher says"sharing is remembering' it benefits us first then with whom we share !!

I pray that I have done some justice in capturing the golden words of advice as it cannot be compared to the effect of directly listening to the speaker.May Allah forgive me for any unintentional error due to my shorcomings in this process of documentation.Baarakallahfeekum for your patience and kind words,

Wassalam,

Asma

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"THE SURRENDERED WIFE" :CONCLUDING PART

BY SISTER AWATIF AL HASHIMI

Held at Markaz Al Huda @ Towar

November 30,2012

RECAP:

Laura Doyle, an educated women with western upbringing,western mentality compiled her book after many years of research,study ,interviews,So the speaker compared this book to see what is it that Islam has not mentioned ,if at all , and what is it that does not match with our deen.She found that there are very few things mentioned in the Book,which do not match with our religion,our deen,so she did not take these points .As we all know that when any thing does not match with our religion & clashes with the Quran and Sunnah then we must leave it!Therefore pls be informed that ,it is just the title 'TheSurrendered Wife 'that has been taken as the topic and the rest of the subject matter is from Quran and Sunnah.Also don't imagine that the Hadith and verses of Quran mentioned during this talk are mentioned in Laura Doyle's book,not at all! onlythe points which match are mentioned in line with our Islamic ruling ,the sharia.

Our Islam guarantees paradise to the woman who obeys her husband,this is not a matter of choice but a matter of command of our Lord and His messenger.when a woman follows the obligations,protects her chastity and protects herself from major sins,she will be called from the eight doors of paradise,this is an honour similar to the one given to Abubakr Siddiq ! this is given to the obedient wife.the wife is doing the basic,just following the duties of a wife ,this is not easy ,this is why we have been reminded so many times.when our prophet PBUH went on isra ul Mairaj,he pbuh saw that there were more women in hellfire, so he PBUH was asked that was it because the women folk worship Allah less compared to men.Prophet PBUH said No,but they curse a lot and they are not thankful to their husbands.another Hadith states that if the husband does good to thewife for the whole year and misses out once,then the women complains that the whole life the husband has not done her good,she is very forgetful!!

The husbands have the right to be obeyed as the men are taking care,doing hard work,protecting so they deserve this respect.every ship has one captain.when Yusuf ale salaam spoke about his dream to his father Yaqub ale salaam who informed him that the sun in his dreams is the mother which is mentioned in quran before qama,the moon representing thefather.So remember the father and mother,husband and wife,the sun and moon ,both have role to play,you cannot tell the sun to play the role of moon!

So Laura says that if you apply what she says then she guarantees a happy marriage.

The dunya is just a tail of aakhirah.if you are running after aakhirah then dunya will follow you but if you go for dunya you will fail in aakhirah.Whatever you invest here with the aim being paradise ,then the reward you will take from Allah,then you will feel the contentment as you are getting it from Allah,you feel the blessings in dunya.there are things and tips that we need to think about as we have to live with our family.our prophet pbuh said that marry , take care of one half and he will take care ofthe other half,so we will get the love intimacy that we are looking for in life.

Because of their ( 'uncontrolled use' of ) tongue a lot of human beings will fall in hellfire,so we should learn to swallow thewords,if you know the words that you will utter will have ill effects then better not to say,keep it in heart,especially with your husband with whom you are spending your life with!

Don't try to search the faults in the husband as if you are searching a lost treasure from your backyard.try to forgive.forgiveness is divine.for egs if today he made a mistake ,you forgive and if,tomorrow he makes a mistake again & if you have the forgiving nature then you will be forgiven,if you are kind then this is an investment that you will see it's rewards multiplied coming back to you.Learn to be kind and forgiving and you will see the rewards here in dunya before aakhirah!

The wise person sees mistake and he ignores,if they see someone doing wrong then this wise person will feel forgive,as though this is like a child,so let me forgive,this Technique helps,it teaches how to behave with others.this investment is for your aakhirah,never wait from your family anything from anyone,whatever you do do ,do it for yourself,instead of changing people try to change yourself as we are responsible for ourself not for others,we can kindly advice but we cannot control them ,they are souls of different mind, unlike us!!

Today's talk begins from here,the above was the refresher,recap:

THANKFULNESS TO HUSBAND:

Always make life simple,keep it sweet and simple (KISS) :

What men need from their wives ,it will fall under the following three categories:

1)Obedience ,ataa

2)Hifdh, protect( his child his house etc)

3)Appreciation ( attention,boosting their ego)

What woman needs from her husband will also fall in the following three categories:

1)Love

2)Respect

3)Kindness,tenderness,softness,

Our Prophet PBUH advised the men to be kind to their women as they are made from curved rib.

Also don't go below the heart such that he will step on you,crush you.any man who is an alcoholic drinks ,womanizes does zinna or fornication this is wrong!

These are the emotions ,so don't try to change it don't make men become women and women become men,this is wrong!

So when you are becoming a surrendered women you are going back to the reality.the women in JANNAH as prophet pbuh said are those women in paradise who are the fertile women,meaning women who love to bring children! today women don't want to bring children this is against Sunnah,al wuddud means the women that loves the husband so kind,and loving that been if she is oppressed,even if we make him angry this is jihad,you are swallowing the words controlling your anger,you know theHadith that this women is from paradise.in angry conflict situations,calm down,be patient,control your anger and hold his hands.when you start implementing this you will start seeing results ,it will be difficult in the beginning,but continue doing it then it will become a habit.In Islam we are taught to train ourselves you will not learn until you train yourself,for egs Islam teaches us to have taqwaa thru fasting,daily five times prayer is also training to become better Muslims.So should we not train ourselves to become good wives as our husbands are our way to achieve JANNAH in the aakhirah.

We should learn to BE CONTENT

One mother advised her daughter about marriage : she says live with contentment,live with him by listening and obeying him.protect his children and money this shows good management,we can see how the house is run by seeing how she manages the house.don't expose his secrets,if you want your husband to love you then don't ever tell his secrets to anybody,NEVER! If there are secrets never should it come out.as prophet PBUH said that it is as though SHAYTAN and thefemale SHAYTAN ( shaytaana ) are doing things in the street!

We come to the point of six things we need to do:

1) ' YOU AS A PERSON':

Many times women forget about themselves,neglecting themselves and this affects her life,this leads to lack of confidence inthe women.for egs a husband was highly educated and the women was not,this does not mean that you should stop using your brain when you get married,SubhanAllah! so this woman who after marriage is focusing only husband, children, home only then a day comes when husband says I don't want you as my mind and your mind does not function together,no intellectual compatibilty ,it's not nice for the husband to say that but he may say!

B)) TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH,DIET HABITS ,APPEARANCE:

Imagine if a woman becomes fat then when she dies how many people will be required to carry her to thegraveyard,SubhanAllah ,we should be smart ,our prophet PBUH has given us very beautiful recipe for diet,He PBUH has asked us to fill our stomach :

One third for your food,one third for your water and one third for your air.

HADITH : On the authority of Al-Miqdaam ibn Maadiy-Karib who said: I heard the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) saying:

[Ahmad, At-Tirmidhi, An-Nasaa'I, Ibn Majah – Hadith sahih]

Protect yourself don't overeat,basic Hadith,each person knows what they need!!

The man steps out of the house he sees beautiful women,so you should not let him get attracted to haram,this will be wrong and by being fat,being overweight affects our lives our confidence!

Aaisha RA said that prophet PBUH loved perfume so she applied the best perfume in her palms and would then apply it on his body.How many of us have ever done this to our husbands??

If he opens the door for you appreciate it don't say that I don't need it I can open the door myself !

Remember the Hadith when our Rasul pbuh allowed his wife Safia to put her feet on his knees in order to climb thecamel,gave his lap for her to go up on the camel after the battle of Khaiber!!

C)))TRUST YOUR HUSBANDS ROMANTIC ABILITY:

D))) DONT HAVE HUGE EXPECTATIONS: DON'T COMPARE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS ,these are blessings,Nyamaah from Allah appreciate it,be thankful! Appreciate any gift even if it is a small piece of paper,appreciate thehands that brought it for you,imagine what he would have been thinking when he bought this gift for you,imagine that he must have in his mind that let me take this for the flower in my life, my wife!

E))LEARN THE ART OF APPRECIATION:

When anyone gifts us anything we are appreciative ,thankful then why not with our own husband.learn the Art of appreciation! I wish I made this person happier,at least thank the person,how about your husband,when he says that come I will take you for a drive,appreciate this Nyamah.even to have shawrama sandwich in car ,it is about romance ,have this imagination,love thething that you have, enjoy every moment you have every suqoonn,peaceful tranquil times, you have .don't love the things that you don't have..then you will be miserable.

If we see worse things in others then we should compare, why are we comparing Inorder to be grateful to Allah for our blessings.

The Speaker shared some very wise words that she was given by her mother who had advised,that a woman should see in her man the following three things:

1))The man should not be a womanizer,then say alhamdulilah

2))The man should not be an alcoholic,Not drinking alcohol then say alhamdulilah ,this means they have fear of Allah.

3))The man is not abusing physically and verbally,this is paradise in the world.

2)) HAVE GOOD RIGHTEOUS FRIENDS LIKE BUKHOOR:

Increase your friendship with ladies,this will help in reducing the stress in your life.

Hadith good friends are like musk..

[Sahih Muslim, Book 32, Number 6361]

3))EXPRESS YOUR VIEWS WHEN ASKED :

4))) GIVE YOUR HUSBAND HIS SPACE :

on the contrary what does the wife of today's times do when she finds her husband in a quiet reflective mood, will go and tell him you don't love me,you are ignoring me ,you are rude to me...

5)))TRUST YOUR HUSBAND:

So don't interfere when your husband wants his space then give him that time,he wants to go to friends let him go,then he will return back to you refreshed.

The last part:if you want to be a good wife

6))LISTEN MORE AND TALK LESS:

If you love your family,your brothers,sisters parents then he too loves his family,be good to them .Remember you are new in his family,his family has been there with him all these years ,their bonds and relations are well established ,so it is upon thewoman to take efforts and blend into his family, we need to gain his family,start to adjust to gain their love don't change anyone.CHANGE YOURSELF TO ADAPT and don't try to change others!

Have one rule at one time,this is better,but women just speak everything.When the husband returns from work then give him time .

May Allah give us the power of understanding ,patience to apply these practical tips with guidance in our lives.

If you leave something for Allah's sake Allah will give you more,always think about aakhirah!

BE POSITIVE ALWAYS :

Masjid Bani Hashim

Titles

The Surrendered Wife

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