Fiqh of the Hearts
(فقه القلوب)
(فقه القلوب)
Fiqh of the Hearts (فقه القلوب)-Diseases of the Heart
Heart (قلب)
§Linguistically, it means what is turning, and we
ask Allah (swt) to keep our hearts firm on the deen. Dua’a: (يا مقلب
القلوب ثبت قلوبنا على دينك) (O Turner of the hearts, keep our hearts
firm on Your deen).
§
The good word is your aqeedah, your tawheed,
your iman – it is like a palm tree, the stronger it is, the more fruits it will
bear, which are the righteous good deeds.
§
And the bad word is when the aqeedah is mixed
with shirk, kufr, too many sins, that is why the good deeds do not go up, they
remain down, subhan Allah.
§
The fitnas are trials that can deviate you:
Hadith:
(حُذَيْفَةُ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ
" تُعْرَضُ الْفِتَنُ
عَلَى الْقُلُوبِ كَالْحَصِيرِ عُودًا عُودًا فَأَىُّ قَلْبٍ
أُشْرِبَهَا نُكِتَ فِيهِ نُكْتَةٌ سَوْدَاءُ وَأَىُّ قَلْبٍ أَنْكَرَهَا نُكِتَ فِيهِ
نُكْتَةٌ بَيْضَاءُ حَتَّى تَصِيرَ عَلَى قَلْبَيْنِ عَلَى أَبْيَضَ) (Hudhaifa
said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (may peace be, upon him ) observing:
Temptations will be presented to men's hearts as reed mat is woven stick by
stick and any heart which is impregnated by them will have a black mark put
into it, but any heart which rejects them will have a white mark put in it. The
result is that there will become two types of hearts: one white like a white
stone which will not be harmed by any turmoil or temptation,) – Sahih Muslim Book
1, Hadith 276 - just as a straw mat leaves marks when sleeping on it, those who
fall into the fitna, will have black spots on their hearts, subhan Allah.
§
Strive for the good deeds
Hadith: (قَالَ
خَطَبَنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ فَقَالَ " يَا أَيُّهَا
النَّاسُ تُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ قَبْلَ أَنْ
تَمُوتُوا وَبَادِرُوا بِالأَعْمَالِ الصَّالِحَةِ
قَبْلَ أَنْ تُشْغَلُوا) (“The Messenger of Allah (saw) delivered a
sermon to us and said: ‘O people! Repent to Allah before you die. Hasten to do
good deeds before you become preoccupied (because of sickness and old age).) –
Sunan Ibn Majah Book 5, Hadith 1134
§
Hadith: (عَنْ
رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ " تَكُونُ بَيْنَ يَدَىِ السَّاعَةِ
فِتَنٌ كَقِطَعِ اللَّيْلِ الْمُظْلِمِ يُصْبِحُ الرَّجُلُ فِيهَا مُؤْمِنًا وَيُمْسِي
كَافِرًا وَيُمْسِي مُؤْمِنًا وَيُصْبِحُ كَافِرًا يَبِيعُ أَقْوَامٌ دِينَهُمْ بِعَرَضٍ
مِنَ الدُّنْيَا) (Anas bin Malik narrated that the Messenger of
Allah(s.a.w) said: "Before the Hour there shall be Fitan like a portion of
the dark night. Morning will come upon a man as a believer, who will be a
disbeliever in the evening, and evening will come upon a believer, who will be
a disbeliever in the morning, people will sell their religion for goods of the
world.") – Jami’ Tirmidhi 2197
§
In the morning, their hearts have tawheed and in
the evening, they will disbelieve, subhan Allah. They will sell their deen, their akhira, for a
little bit of enjoyment of the duniya.
Diseases of the Heart
§
The three major diseases of the heart are:
·
Showing-off (الرياء):
which is minor shirk
·
Arrogance (الكبر)
·
Ignorance (الجهل)
§
The root of all diseases of the heart are lies.
And lies will guide you to big sins, and the big sins will lead to the
hellfire. And this person will lie until he is written with Allah (swt) as a
liar.
§
That is why the level of the sidiqeen, the most
truthful ones, are right after the Prophets, subhan Allah.
§
Abu Bakr As Sideeq was called ‘As Sideeq’ because
he did not have one doubt in what the Prophet (pbuh) said, especially when he
believed in the Isra’a and Mi’raj.
Two types of major enemies
Inner-Enemies:
§
Shaitan
§
Nafs orders to bad: this will start to entertain
desire and the shaitan. They will plan which bad deed to do, and that will
control the heart.
Outer-Enemies:
§
Dispraised part of the duniya
§
Bad companions
Types of desires
§
Doubts (الشبهات):
not accepting the aqeedah, the pillars of Islam, etc. How to remove it? By
knowledge from the Quran and Sunnah, affirm the news about Allah (swt) and His
Messenger (pbuh).
§
Temptations (الشهوات):
this stops us from applying the commands of Allah (swt). How to remove it? By
obeying Allah (swt) and His Messenger (pbuh).
§
Doubts and temptations are the major reasons
which ruin a person, if we don’t cure it then it will harden the heart. Our
deen is complete and it is perfect for the duniya and akhira.
§
The main reason of happiness is when we believe
what is in the Quran and Sunnah.
Faith
§
Faith is built on two fundamentals:
·
Affirming the truth of the news about Allah
(swt) and His Messenger (pbuh)
·
Obeying Allah (swt) and His Messenger (pbuh)
Matters that spoil the heart
§
Too much mingling: when you are mixing
too much, then it can affect your heart
§
False hopes: false hopes based on lies.
For example, I am Muslim, Allah (swt) is the Most Merciful, I will enter paradise
without doing anything. How many times have we seen in the Quran, ‘those who
believe and perform righteous good deeds’. Allah (swt) sees our actions, and we
only enter paradise by the mercy of Allah (swt).
§
Too much food
§
Too much sleep
§
Attaching to other than Allah (swt)
Greed
§
Being greedy leads to bad character.
§
Some people are so stingy because they love
wealth, they even love the smell of money. They are counting their bank
accounts every day, seeing how much they have, how much they gained.
§
How to cure greed:
·
To have contentment and be pleased with whatever
Allah (swt) has provided you. Because your provision has been divided before
you were created, subhan Allah. Allah (swt) has written everything in the Lawh
Al Mahfudh when a person will be born, what is their provision, when they will
die.
·
Satisfaction: a person is poor if they are not
satisfied with what they have. Be satisfied with the parents you have, spouse,
children, etc. Look at the people who have less than you. Once a man came to
Umar bin Abdulaziz (ra) and he was complaining that he does not have enough. So
Umar bin Abdulaziz (ra) said do you have a wife, he said yes, do you have a
house, he said yes, do you have a helper, he said yes. He said, then you are a
king, subhan Allah. Did Allah (swt) ever ask you to pay for your eyes? Subhan
Allah.
·
Be balanced in spending: don’t be miserly or
over-spending
·
Moderation in lifestyle: though the Prophet
(pbuh) could easily have had the best lifestyle, but he chose (الرفيق
الأعلى) – the Exalted Companion – Allah (swt)
§
Imam Ash Shafi’i: My heart is at ease knowing
that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was
never meant for me.
§
There was a group of men that wanted to
slaughter a goat for lunch, they tried, but then it moved so much, so they left
it. Then that goat got up, ate some
grass and then died. Why? Because that last bite in the duniya was written for
that goat, and he will have it before dying, subhan Allah.
§
Even the enjoyment and happiness in what you
have is written. Some people have so much and they are not satisfied.
§
When you give charity, your wealth will never be
less, some people don’t even like to give zakat. They try to find ways out of
it, and something will happen throughout the year that will cause the person to
spend the money needed to have cleansed that money, subhan Allah. That is why
when the zakat is paid, there will be barakah in your wealth because it has
been purified.
False Hopes
§
There was a man who said my grandfather died at
60 and my father at 60, and he was 40 so he said I have another 20 years to go
and then I will make repentance and start to pray. Within one week of saying
this, he died in a car accident, subhan Allah.
§
How to cure too much hope in this duniya? By
remembering death – death comes suddenly. Our path is for the akhira, so we
have to build our life towards it.
To be seen by others (الرياء)
§
Some people want others to see themselves as if
they are lowly and humble – they will wear ‘poor looking clothes’, they don’t
keep themselves tidy, they walk as if they are needy, so that people think that
they are so humble, subhan Allah. The true honor is with Allah (swt), not with
people.
§
They are serious all the time, they don’t like
to laugh and joke. They are preaching all the time so that people would praise
them. Any deed they do, they want people to see them, when they give charity,
they want others to see them.
§
Deeds without sincerity are like a traveler who
carries a water jug with sand being added to it. The carrying of it burdens him
and it brings no benefits.
§
Hadith: (Abu Hurairah (May Allah be
pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)
saying, "The first to be judged on the Day of Resurrection will be a man
who had died as a martyr. He will be brought forward. Allah will remind him of
the favours He had bestowed upon him and the man will acknowledge them. Then He
will ask him: 'What did you do to express gratitude for it?' The man will
reply: 'I fought for Your Cause till I was martyred.' Allah will say: 'You have
lied. You fought so that people might call you courageous; and they have done
so.' Command will then be issued about him and he will be dragged on his face
and thrown into Hell. Next a man who had acquired and imparted knowledge and
read the Qur'an will be brought forward, Allah will remind him of the favours
He had bestowed upon him and the man will acknowledge them. Then He will ask
him: 'What did you do to express gratitude for it?' The man will reply: 'I
acquired knowledge and taught it, and read the Qur'an for Your sake.' Allah
will say to him: 'You have lied. You acquired knowledge so that people might
call you a learned (man), and you read the Qur'an so that they might call you a
reciter, and they have done so.' Command will then be issued about him, and he
will be dragged on his face and thrown into Hell. Next a man whom Allah had
made affluent and to whom Allah had given plenty of wealth, will be brought
forward, Allah will remind him of the favours He had bestowed upon him and the
man will acknowledge them. He will ask him: 'What did you do to express
gratitude for it?' The man will reply: 'I did not neglect any of the ways You
liked wealth to be spend liberally for Your sake'. Allah will say to him: 'You
have lied. You did it so that people might call you generous, and they have
done so.' Command will then be issued about him and he will be dragged on his
face and thrown into Hell.") – Sahih Muslim Book 18, Hadith 1617
§
We have to check ours intentions before the
deed, during and after. We always need to ask repentance for our deeds. We ask
Allah (swt) to grant us iklhas. Ameen.
§
There are people who were so scared of riya’a
that they didn’t even want their spouse to know they are doing, they would wait
until they would fall aslepp and then get up to pray qiyam al layl, they would
fast without telling their wife. They would take their lunch and give it to a
needy person, and come back for dinner, which is during maghrib time, and then
they would break their fast. And if they are in a study gathering, and their
heart is moved and they have tears, they will just say it’s a bad cold, subhan
Allah.
§
Those who do riya’a, their eyes are always
looking horizontal, not vertically. They are looking with what people can give,
not Allah (swt).
§
Sometimes doing good deeds outwardly is for
encouragement, like let’s read Quran together, etc.
§
But you need to do deeds that are secret that no
one knows about. There was a person who was known to be charitable, but he was
not telling others, only people from the charitable organizations knew him.
When he died, there was a project that was not fully paid for, so they asked
his sons to finish the payment. The sons said no. One of the sons went on a
vacation with his wife, and they ended up going to a place where they found a
beautiful hospital, and he saw that it was built by his father, subhan Allah. The
son was so moved that he came back and paid for the remaining project.
§
Nice words are better than giving a charity and
saying I did this and that for you.
Self-amazement (العجب)
§
They feel like they are walking on air, just
like Qarun. The key to his treasures had to be carried by hefty men. He would
walk amongst the people, and others would wish they had like him. But those who
have knowledge knew that Allah (swt) has more. In front of everyone, his
treasures and himself sank into the earth. When he was asked how he got his
wealth? He said it was from my knowledge, subhan Allah.
§
They never say it’s from the favor of Allah (هذا
من فضل ربي).
§
Some people who become rich after being poor
forget it and are not thankful for it.
§
When a person is amazed by themselves, they
become careless about their sins.
§
They feel secure from the plan of Allah and His
punishment.
§
They praise themselves.
§
How to cure it?
·
If you have a good mind, thank Allah (swt)
·
If a person is proud of their lineage, then why
are the proud? Because of their manners, taqwa, or faith? If so, then let do
the same.
·
If a person is proud of their wealth, then they
have to remember that this wealth has rights.
·
Don’t use logic for everything
·
The value of a person is not from their lineage
or wealth, but from their character, knowledge, deen, and manners.
·
Some people accuse you and say bad words to you,
and once Khalid bin Al Waleed (ra) was told bad words, and he told the man to
fill your records as you wish. Meaning say all you want because you will be
accounted for what you say.
Illusion (الغرور)
§
To deceive yourself that you are ok.
§
For example, a believer might commit sins and
they will say Allah is Forgiving.
§
Honor and humiliation is in the hands of Allah
(swt). Some people know their reality, and they know that everything is from
Allah (swt).
§
People think they can deceive Allah (swt) and
they do not magnify Him. They say I can see the duniya, but I cannot see the
hereafter, so I’m not sure it it’s there, istaghfar Allah.
§
Types of people who are deceiving themselves:
·
They have so much knowledge but they do not
apply it.
·
They have knowledge, and the performed righteous
good deeds only from the outer, they did not cure their inner, they have
diseases of the heart.
·
They do so many voluntaries, but they do not do
the obligations properly. For example, they pray tahajud, but they don’t pray
fajr on time.
·
They will have wiswas in their prayer. Or they
are memorizing the Quran without understanding. They do hajj or umrah every
year, but they are not careful about where their money is coming from.
·
There are those who try to haggle for a small
amount, but if they are in a café and have to pay 100dhs for their coffee they
will do it to show prestige, subhan Allah.
§
Cure for those who deceive themselves:
·
Istian’a: seek the help of Allah
·
We have to have knowledge of iman, tawheed, what
will make us closer to Allah
·
Seek forgiveness from Allah azza wa jall.
This
is the end of the Fiqh of the Hearts series.
Alhamdullilah that by the blessing of Allah,
good deeds are completed.
(الحمد الله الذي بنعمته تتم الصالحات)
Grudge & Envy
Fiqh of the Hearts (فقه القلوب) – Grudge & Envy
Reasons for Negative Thoughts (مسببات التفكير السلبي)
1.
Far from Allah (swt): they do not magnify
Him, they do not believe in the Day of Judgement. And the two most important
pillars of faith are the belief in Allah and the Day of Judgement.
2.
Pre-conceived notions
3. Not having a proper objective and goal:
we need to have an aim in life. That is the difference between a human being
and an animal – animals have no objective except to fulfill physical needs, and
there are people like this, subhan Allah.
4.
Negative routine in life: need to think
how can I make myself better tomorrow than today.
5.
Internal / External factors: could have
wrong companions
6.
Living in the past: some people cannot
come out from the past, all of their lives are spent living in the past, subhan
Allah. There was a lady whose husband died and he was a poet. He has
recordings, so she would listen to them every night and cry. And this is not
accepting the pillar of faith of qadar, the decree good and bad, subhan Allah.
Envy
§
Some people follow you in order to learn wisdom
from you, and some people out of jealousy follow you because they just want to
see you fall, subhan Allah.
§
Imam Ash Shafee’ said: I am surprised that
people cry when a body dies, but they don’t cry when the hearts die. Subhan
Allah.
§
Definitions of envy:
·
Praised envy: it is called (غبطة),
the Prophet (pbuh) said that praised envy is allowed for two reasons. A man
whom Allah (swt) has given wealth and uses that wealth in the right way. And a
man whom Allah (swt) granted wisdom and he is using it to teach others.
·
Haram envy: you hate to see good in a
person, and you want that goodness to be taken away from them and they are
happy when they see it taken away from them, subhan Allah. Why did Allah (swt)
give this person this house, wealth, husband, etc?. Hasad burns the good deeds
of a person, they are actually revenging against themselves, not others, subhan
Allah.
·
Competition: healthy competition when
competing in good, but not in competing in sins.
Levels of Hasad
§
Good hasad: as long as you don’t wish for the
person to lose the good they have, and you wish the same for yourself.
§
Another type of hasad: you see a person has
something, but you don’t want the exact same thing, but if get what you want,
you want to see the other person to lose it, subhan Allah.
§
Another type of hasad is they just want to see
the other person to lose the blessing, they want to see them miserable, and
they would rather have the blessings for themselves.
§
Worst type is they just don’t want to see a
person with any blessings, and they don’t want to have the blessing itself,
subhan Allah.
§
The overly jealous want to hurt and harm others,
but in the end they are only harming themselves.
Reasons People Envy
§
Greed
§
Lack of faith
§
Ungrateful for what they have
§
Jealousy
§
Competition
§
Enmity
§
Grudge
§
Arrogance
§
Evilness inside the heart: they don’t want the good
for others, they don’t want to see others happy. People who want to snatch
happiness away from others, do they get what they want, are they happy in the
end? Never.
Consequences of Envy
§
Unhappiness
§
Restless
§
Disliked by others
§
Will not be respected by others because this
disease appears on the surface, the ‘smoke’ will come out
§
Low reputation amongst people
§
Bad health
§
They will not have sound sleep, they will not
enjoy healthy food
§
Unstable health, unstable mood
§
Socially, people do not want to be around them
§
They lie, backbite, and cheat
§
They have a fire inside them that is burning
them, subhan Allah
Provision of Allah (swt)
§
Allah (swt) has divided provision equally
amongst everyone, just in ways that suit each person. So are you doubting the
wisdom of the provision of Allah? Subhan Allah.
§
All of our provision has been written by Allah
(swt) in the Preserved Tablet – Al Lawh Al Mahfoodh (اللوح
المحفوظ) – 50,000 years before our creation. People say then what about
the Night of the Decree? All the decrees for that year are written. And people
say dua’a change the decree, it can change what is written in the records with
the angels, but not in the Preserved Tablet because perhaps your dua’a is a
rizq from Allah (swt) that was granted to you in order to change what is
written in the records of the angels, subhan Allah.
§
There was a man who had wealth, house, , wife, but
he did not have good health and children. Once he passed by a street vendor,
and he saw how happy that man was, and he was asking himself why is he not
happy? He asked the street vendor do you have a family and children? He said
yes. The rich man told him I have the best house, money, a life that everyone
dreams of, but I don’t have health and children. He asked the street vendor
would you exchange your life with mine? The street vendor said no, alhamdulliah
for what I have, subhan Allah.
§
Happiness has nothing to do with money, beauty,
or fame – it all has to do with your relation with Allah (swt) and your
acceptance of Allah (swt). Be happy for what you have. Don’t be jealous of
others because you don’t know what others don’t have, subhan Allah.
§
Don’t look at people from a distance, because
you don’t know what it looks like up close.
§
There was a woman who inherited so much, had the
best of everything, and got married five times and divorced five times. Then
she was interviewed and was asked why do you keep marrying and divorcing, you
have everything? She said I haven’t found happiness. Then once she was in a
resort, and her body was found, she had committed suicide. So when you are far
from Allah (swt), how will the happiness come? Subhan Allah.
How can we solve envy
§
Repent and make istighfar
§
Be grateful for what you have
§
Run towards the hereafter
§
Make dua’a for goodness for the one who is
jealous
§
Have the self-accusing nafs (النفس
اللوامة), it accounting and blaming itself when it is doing something
wrong
§
Be fearful of Allah (swt) that He knows all that
you are hiding from others and what you are exposing
§
Never say something that can harm others
§
Have good companions: refrain yourself from
others who will make you lose your akhira. It is better to lose bad friends in
the duniya than to lose your akhira, subhan Allah.
§
Hadith: (وعن
أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: "إياكم والحسد،
فإن الحسد يأكل الحسنات كما تأكل النار الحطب،) (Abu Hurairah (May Allah
be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Beware of envy
because envy consumes (destroys) the virtues just as the fire consumes the
firewood,") – Abu Dawud. – how many
good deeds are we even able to collect in this duniya? Each deed needs to be
done purely for Allah (swt) and according to the Sunnah, so each good deed is
so precious and we are burning them with hasad, subhan Allah.
§
Envy is a major sin
Description of an Envier
§
No smile on the face
§
Selfish people
§
They never acknowledge your good
§
Angry all the time
§
Sometimes they talk bad
§
They will never thank Allah (swt)
§
Not sure what they want in life, they have no
aim
§
Very negative
§
Doubtful
§
They observe too much
§
They are not content
§
Two-faced
§
They are very lazy, because their energy and
power is going towards negative thinking
§
They are killing their capabilities and
creativity: they are burning their energy and time
§
People of duniya: this disease will not come
unless there is the love of duniya in the heart, subhan Allah.
§
They repel others from them, they can turn the
closest people to them the farthest
Reminders
§
Hadith: (عَنْ
عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، قَالَ قِيلَ لِرَسُولِ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم
ـ أَىُّ النَّاسِ أَفْضَلُ قَالَ " كُلُّ مَخْمُومِ الْقَلْبِ صَدُوقِ اللِّسَانِ
" . قَالُوا صَدُوقُ اللِّسَانِ نَعْرِفُهُ فَمَا مَخْمُومُ الْقَلْبِ قَالَ
" هُوَ التَّقِيُّ النَّقِيُّ لاَ إِثْمَ فِيهِ وَلاَ بَغْىَ وَلاَ غِلَّ وَلاَ
حَسَدَ) (It was narrated that ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr said: “It was said to
the Messenger of Allah (saw): ‘Which of the people is best?’ He said: ‘Everyone
who is pure of heart and sincere in speech.’ They said: ‘Sincere in speech, we
know what this is, but what is pure of heart?’ He said: ‘It is (the heart) that
is pious and pure, with no sin, injustice, rancor or envy in it.’) – Sunan Ibn
Majah – May Allah (swt) make us of them. Ameen.
§
Hadith: (إن افضل
عباد الله يوم القيامة الحامدون) (The best of the slaves of Allah are the
grateful ones)
§
Hadith: (عَنْ
أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ كَانَ يَقُولُ
" الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ عَلَى كُلِّ حَالٍ رَبِّ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ حَالِ أَهْلِ
النَّارِ) (It was narratd from Abu Hurairah that: the Prophet (SAW) used
to say: "Al-hamdu lillahi 'ala kulli hal. Rabbi a'udhu bika min hali
ahlin-nar (Praise is to Allah in all circumstances, O Allah, I seek refuge with
You from the situation of the people of Hell).") – Sunan Ibn Majah
§
Even when we have difficulty, we say
alhamdulliah, and when we remember the situation of the people of the hellfire,
then we really say alhamdulliah.
§
The Prophet (pbuh) said the duniya is a prison
for the believer and a paradise for the disbeliever.
§
We displease Allah (swt) with the disease of
envy. No one attains true belief until one loves for his brothers what he loves
for himself.
§
Three people are very fortunate if they have:
·
Left this duniya before it left them: meaning
their heart left the duniya. Allah (swt) wants the good life for us both in the
duniya and akhira.
·
Those who have been good with their parents in
the duniya. So many people regret after their parents pass away, why didn’t
they sit with them, or give them a smile, or not argue with them, subhan Allah.
·
Who believed and pleased Allah (swt) before they
met Him, subhan Allah.
How can a person control envy
§
They should wish good for the other person
because envy is wanting the blessing to go away from the person, so the way to
cure it is to go against it by wishing the blessing and barakah for the person.
§
Be humble and apologize
§
Praise the person you envy
§
Every blessing needs gratitude and every
difficulty needs patience and every sin needs istighfar, if you do all of this à then you will have the
happiness you are looking for.
Oh Allah purify our hearts, wash
away our sins, conceal our faults, and purify our selves. Ameen.
Do not be Angry (لا تغضب)
Fiqh of the Hearts (فقه القلوب)
Revision from Surah Al Hujurat
§ Surah Al Hujurat – how to deal with people:
·
Verify and check when news
reaches, don’t spread anything not correct because it causes fitna.
·
Make good between the people
·
Be just
·
Do not make fun of others
·
Do not give bad nicknames to
others
·
Refrain yourself from suspicion
and assumptions
·
Do not spy: because spying
leads to other sins.
·
And do not gossip, even if it
is true, but it is something that the person does not like to be said about
them, then don’t say it. It is described as eating their dead flesh, why is it
described as ‘dead’? Because they are not there to defend themselves, and to
see what is being said and done to them, subhan Allah.
How do you deal with a person who is angry?
§ We love the nafs persisting to evil (النفس
الأمارة بالسوء), but it does not love us, subhan Allah.
It makes us fall into traps – the trap of the shaitan and of desires. And anger
is one of those desires.
§ To become one to one with the person.
§ Take care of how you represent things: sometimes you want to do good,
but it comes out as bad.
§ How to behave in situations when you are in danger:
·
Remove the bad with good (ادفع)
·
Refrain / turn away from the
ignorant (اعرض): you don’t want
to be pulled back. You are on a path where you have to move forward, you don’t
want things to come in between.
§ If we believe in Allah (swt) and the Day of Judgement, then it is
better to say something good, or be quiet.
§ When we are trapped, and we feel that we need to defend ourselves
just to show that I have defeated you and you have to lose. Tut they don’t know
that this mentality of just wanting to win can cause so much damage, subhan
Allah.
§ Then the mind starts to work for the nafs persisting in evil (النفس
الأمارة بالسوء), and productivity will start to go
down.
Grudge
§ A grudge is feeding yourself with wrong assumptions, wrong feelings,
and hate is there.
§ The best is to cut any fitna, any arguments because it is just a
waste of time, loss of good deeds, etc.
§ A grudge gives a feeling of hate and revenge inside.
§ A grudge leads to eight consequences:
·
Envy: whether out of hate or
love
·
Lying: when you have a grudge,
you will lie to prove yourself. A grudge is a darkness in the heart, subhan
Allah
·
Gossiping / backbiting
·
Disclosing secrets which should
be hidden
·
Mocking
·
Hurting
·
Harassing / physical hurt
·
Cutting the rights of others / the
rights of kin
Important Reminders
§ Omar bin Khattab (ra) said: Who talks a lot, then he falls a lot.
And who falls more, then the haya’a (modesty) will be less. When the hayaa’ is
less, then righteousness becomes less, until the heart is dead, subhan Allah.
§ Don’t expect a change until you change yourself. Results do not
happen from outside, but from inside.
§ People are obsessed with their outer, forgetting their
inner-personality.
§ There was a man during the time of the Prophet (pbuh) who wanted to
give charity in secret, so he went out at night, thinking he gave some money to
a poor man. The next morning he found it that he gave it to a thief. Then he
went out again at night, and went to a masjid and gave it to a man that was
praying there alone, then he found out he gave money to a rich man. Then he
went out again, and gave it to a woman, and then he found out that he gave
money to a prostitute. So then he cried out to Allah (swt) that he must not be
accepting his charity since it is going to the wrong people. Then Allah (swt)
sent an angel to him to tell him that his charity was helping the others,
because the thief found out that Allah is Ar Razaq, so he did not rob a house
that day. And for the rich man, He knew that Allah is Ar Razaq and that money
is never lost with charity, so he began to give charity. And for the prostitute
she knew that Allah is Ar Razaq and that her provision can come through halal
means, subhan Allah. This shows you the
wisdom of Allah (swt), subhan Allah.
Competition
§There is also competition, there is good and bad, but the
competition is to hasten to Allah’s forgiveness, hasten to the good deeds, etc.
§ Surah Al Imran 134 : (يُنفِقُونَ
فِى ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلۡڪَـٰظِمِينَ ٱلۡغَيۡظَ وَٱلۡعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِۗ
وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِينَ) (Those who spend [in
Allâh's Cause] in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger, and who
pardon men; verily, Allâh loves Al-Muhsinûn (the good - doers).
§ Don’t compete with those who have reached in duniya, but compete for
the akhira. How Omar bin Khattab (ra) and Abu Bakr As Siddique (ra) were
competing, but it never decreased their love for each other. Once Omar bin
Khattab (ra) wanted to know where Abu Bakr (ra) was going at a time when a
person wouldn’t be out. So he followed him, and he went to through different
paths, through mountains, until he reached a small cave, went inside and then
left. Then Omar bin Khattab (ra) wanted to know what he did. So he went to that
small cave and saw an old woman who was blind with children. He asked her who
is that man that comes to you and what does he do? She said I don’t know who he
is, but he comes and sweeps my floor, cooks for us, and gives to my children.
Then Oman bin Khattab (ra) said, you have tired all the khalifas that will come
after you Abu Bakr. Meaning how can we reach what you have reached, subhan Allah.
§ Types of competition:
·
Do the obligations and leave
the sins / prohibitions
·
Leave what is hated / and do
the voluntaries / sunnah, like nawafil/ rawatib prayers, charity
·
To discover something, do
things better, innovative
§ When Allah (swt) divided the provision, He gave it with wisdom – our
problem is when we compare ourselves with others.
§ Someone who has productive competition, then he will come up with
ideas that are better. Each person has a strength, and they know it, so they
should use it for Allah (swt). Some people like to give dawah, some like to
make blogs, some like to visit the sick – you have to find out what you are
good at, and be creative. You have to develop and be creative. You have to
become better but for the sake of Allah (swt). People do things better for
others, but not for Allah? Subhan Allah.
§ People say they will keep their old age for Allah, istaghfar Allah,
how can they guarantee they will have strength to read the Quran, pray, fast,
etc.
§ When we are in productive mode, then we will always have an alert
mind and heart, there will be lots of energy, and the person knows that time is
running out, so they are always moving forward.
§ When you see someone along the same path you are on, you should wish
good for them, and Allah (swt) will give you more, don’t put holes in other’s
way because you will fall into that hole too.
Envy
§ This is when wanting another person’s blessing to be taken away, and
they are happy when the person is miserable and suffering.
§ Surah Yusuf 9: (ٱقۡتُلُواْ
يُوسُفَ أَوِ ٱطۡرَحُوهُ أَرۡضً۬ا يَخۡلُ لَكُمۡ وَجۡهُ أَبِيكُمۡ وَتَكُونُواْ مِنۢ
بَعۡدِهِۦ قَوۡمً۬ا صَـٰلِحِينَ) ("Kill Yûsuf
(Joseph) or cast him out to some (other) land, so that the favour of your
father may be given to you alone, and after that you will be righteous folk (by
intending repentance before committing the sin).")
·
Even the sons of Yusuf (as),
who is the son of Isaac (as), son of Ibrahim (as) – pure of the pure lineage of
prophets, and they still had envy towards their brother, hate, and anger, to
the point that they wanted to kill him, subhan Allah.
·
And in the end, they have said
they will be pious after committing the sin. There are people who even plan
that by they will commit a sin and then go hajj and do tawbah after it,
istaghfar Allah.
§ Envy happened in the heavens, with Iblis was envious of Adam (as),
who was created from clay while Iblis was created from fire. How could he
prostrate to him, subhan Allah. And envy
happened first on the earth with Habeel and Qabeel, the two sons of Adam (as).
§ When there is envy, then it will burn all of our good deeds. And
when we wish good for others and for ourselves, does it take away from the
treasures of Allah (swt)? Never.
§ You have to have an aim to win paradise – your path is the Straight
Path, your tools are your obedience, and your obstacles are the sins / bad
habits. But once you overcome, then it becomes easy to climb towards Allah
(swt). And how to measure yourself? Are you following the footsteps of the
Prophet (pbuh). à (الكيّس), who is wise.
§ Prophet (pbuh) said that jealousy verily destroys good deeds, the
way fire destroys wood. – Abu Dawood.
§ Prophet (pbuh) said: (اذا رأى احدكم من
خير او من نفسه او من ماله ما يعجبه فليدع له بالبركة، فأن العين حق. مسند احمد و صححه
الالباني) (If any sees something good or in himself or
in his wealth, then he should supplicate for barakah in it, because the evil
eye is truth.
·
Ask Allah (swt) to put the
barakah in what you like. Say ‘Masha Allah, tabarak Allah, tabarak Ar Rahman’.
·
There was once a man that saw
one of the companions while showering and he was impressed with his skin. And
then that companion fell with a disease. The companions told the Prophet (pbuh)
what happened to him, then the Prophet (pbuh) called on the man to make
ablution, and the companion placed that water over him and was healed by the
leave of Allah (swt).
·
Some eyes are very powerful,
especially the ones who do not remember Allah (swt), subhan Allah.
§ How to protect yourself from the eye:
·
If you like something, then ask
Allah (swt) for the barakah
·
Al Mu’wathatain (Surah Al Falaq
/ Surah An Nass), Ayat Al Kursi, Al Fatiha
·
Ruqyah according to the sunnah
·
Those who envy are never happy,
and they are not thankful to Allah (swt) for all that they have.
Oh Allah purify our
hearts, wash away our sins, conceal our faults, and purify our selves. Ameen.
Fiqh of the Hearts (فقه القلوب) – Do not be angry (لا تغضب)
Anger (الغضب)
§
When you are angry, it is like holding a burning
charcoal, as if you want to throw it at somebody, but all this time, you are
holding it yourself and burning inside, subhan Allah.
§ Difference between (العتاب) blame in which your intention
is to advice and hurting someone’s heart is only a hair line’s difference is what?
The way you advise. We have to be careful in our tone. You can make
your friend your enemy, and can make your enemy your friend because of your
attitude, subhan Allah.
§ There are people that if you do one bad thing to
them, they destroy and forget every good you did for them, subhan Allah.
Positive things we gain with forbearance
- Some people are naturally forbearing and others have to practice to be forbearing, but of course the reward is different.
- Your dignity is always saved, your honor is always there. Because when you throw something, and then you regret, it won’t be the same.
- You see things right in a calm situation, but when there is ‘smoke and fire’ then you cannot see the truth.
- You keep the relation safe and sound, and keep the respect for each other.
- You become a role model for others, and people like those who are wise in how they behave in difficult situations, subhan Allah.
Getting rid of negative thoughts
- We have to get rid of negative thoughts because that does not make us free and it does not make us live in a normal way. You cannot enjoy your life, your sleep, your worship when you have negative thoughts. You become trapped when there are negative thoughts, even if you are with people, you feel isolated, subhan Allah.
- If anger is not cured, it goes to another stage which is grudge, and then the next stage which is envy.
- There are people who are just waiting for you to fall, and there are people who see a hundred faults in you but they don’t see it as a fault in order to keep the relationship, subhan Allah.
- Imam Ash Shafee’ says: ‘We are accusing time for our faults, but the fault is in us, we should blame ourselves’ subhan Allah.
- No matter how many faults you have, be generous in your ways – be generous in your smile, give without asking, etc – it’s the best way to cover your faults, subhan Allah.
- ‘Holding on to a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die’ – subhan Allah. Why poison yourself with grudges, just let go.
What is the theory of grudges?
- ‘Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head’
- When you hold a grudge, you start to imagine bad things that only destroy you because you are using up your emotions. You are using up your energy, heart, mind while holding a grudge.
- When a person has a grudge, they have three options in the way to react:
· It will be one to one. For example, you tell me
to fall, I will make you fall.
· Or unjust they want to be winners, but they lose the
relationship and so much reward, they end up going from oppressed to oppressor.
For example, you tell me to fall, I will break your leg, subhan Allah.
· Or to do ihsan, may Allah (swt) make us from the
muhsineen. Ameen.
- We cannot bring back time, we cannot change time, but we can change ourselves.
- Our life is a treasure, and we need to invest it for the akhira. We don’t want to go to the hereafter and say we want to go back and do good, subhan Allah.
- We should always be balanced and in the middle. And we should remember that every human being makes mistakes, but the best are the ones who repent and return to Allah (swt).
Ihsan
- The one who is doing ihsan becomes the leader in front of the one who did bad to him, subhan Allah.
- The Prophet (pbuh) never took revenge for himself personally. During the Meccan time, he was facing abuse, they threw trash at him, waste, etc and he never took revenge for himself.
- If you can give ihsan, then give it because it never goes to waste.
- The biggest revenge is taken with your kindness, it will make them feel so guilty.
- There was a rich man and a poor man came to him. The rich man took all of his expired food, placed it in a basket, and gave it to the poor man. The poor man threw away the expired food, and placed flowers in the basket and gave it to the rich man. So the rich man said how could you give me a basket of flowers while I gave you expired food? The poor man said, each man gives what is in his heart, subhan Allah.
- The Prophet (pbuh) even forgave the one who did magic on him because he trusts there is Allah.
- And if you pardon, it is close to taqwa.
There are two rules
- (أعرض) Keep away from those who are ignorant. Ignorant people have a habit of hurting others and of not being balanced. So keep away from them, some people it is just in their nature, so keep away.
- (ادفع) give with what is better, and the one who is an enemy becomes a close friend, subhan Allah.
Gentleness
- If talk is silver, then silence is golden.
- The Prophet (pbuh) said the believer is like a date tree. Date trees are easy to climb, yet their trunk is strong. And the date tree gives benefit to everything. A date tree is a date tree all the time, summer and winter. A believer is the same in easy and difficult situations. A date tree is tall and if you throw a stone at it, it gives back the best fruit, subhan Allah. When you are higher in akhlaq, in manners, you see things from the top, not from the bottom, subhan Allah.
- Anything that has gentleness in it, then it makes things beautiful. You need gentleness to gain the respect and love of people.
- Allah is ArRafeeq (الرفيق) – The Most Gentle. When you take advice outside of the Quran and the Sunnah, it tells you to be hard and tough. They don’t know that Allah (swt) is the One who gives and withholds, subhan Allah.
- If you put gentleness in anything, in your talk, in your manners, it will beautify it. And if you remove it, then it will make it ugly, subhan Allah.
Hadith: The Prophet (pbuh) said: Allah hates
three things: ‘He said and he says (gossip), squandering money, and asking too
many questions’
(إن الله
كره لكم ثلاثا: قيل و قال و إضاعة المال و كثرة السؤال. متفق عليه)
·
For example, a person is angry at someone and
they want everyone else to be angry at him. And this happens a lot to those who
are in the dawah. For example, there are people who talk about a da’ee and say
they are like this to keep people away.
·
Sometimes we waste our money with extra things
we don’t need, extra clothes, extra food, etc.
·
Don’t ask too many questions about why this and
that with the deen, because it only makes it complicated to perform the
command. And there are people who ask so many detailed questions, that is not their
business.
How to deal with others
- When you blame others, you give up your power to change. Subhan Allah.
- We should see the positive in others and the negative in ourselves, that is the only way it will allow us to change.
- Giving excuse to others is a very high level. If people are not in the right mood, give them the benefit of the doubt.
- Surah Al Hujurat – how to deal with people:
· Verify and check when news reaches, don’t spread
anything not correct because it causes fitna.
·
Make good between the people
·
Be just
·
Do not make fun of others
·
Do not give bad nicknames to others
·
Refrain yourself from suspicion and assumptions
·
Do not spy
·
And do not gossip, even if it is true, but it is
something that the person does not like to be said about them, then don’t say
it. It is described as eating their dead flesh, why is it described as ‘dead’?
Because they are not there to defend themselves, and to see what is being said
and done to them, subhan Allah.
Anger and Desire
Desire drives us to anger. And the shaitan loves
to enter through the door of desires.
Oh Allah purify our hearts, wash
away our sins, conceal our faults, and purify our selves. Ameen.
(فقه القلوب)
Do not be Angry
(لا تغضب)
(لا تغضب)
Anger (الغضب)
• When
you are angry, it is like holding a burning charcoal, as if you want to throw
it at somebody, but all this time, you are holding it yourself and burning
inside, subhan Allah.
Circle
of anger:
• · Some
people get angry very quickly and take a long time to cool down.
• · Some
people get angry very quickly and take a short time to cool down.
• · Some
people it takes a long time to get angry and cool down very quickly.
• · Some
people it takes a long time to get angry but take a long time to cool down.
• And
a person can have all of these four qualities depending on the situation.
• What
happens at the time when we are not controlling our anger?
• · It
spoils all the goodness in our past, and it takes time to recover
• · Our
present becomes unpredictable
• · And
in the future, the person whom you showed your anger to will be very careful on
how to deal with you, it won’t be the same as before.
• Never
make decisions when you are angry and never make promises when you are happy,
subhan Allah.
• At
the time of anger, a person loses consciousness and it not thinking properly.
Suppressing the Anger (قوة الكظم)
§ You are control your nafs that commands to
evil (كبح جماح النفس الأمارة بالسوء): if
you don’t control it, then it will open wrong doors, including the door to the
shaitan. Some people cannot even control their muscles, and it will make them
do things physically. The shaitan knows that the best way to control a human
being is at the time of anger, they become like a ball that he can play with,
subhan Allah. When you suppress your anger, then you are not letting that
charcoal burn you.
• So before we throw our words:
·
We have to think before speaking
·
Will it help me or destroy me
·
What will I benefit from it? What message will the person have of me when I
speak?
Prevent ourselves from getting burned (اجتناب الاحتراق)
§ To gain the pleasure of Allah (swt)
§ To draw closer
to Allah (swt)
§ To protect the
mind
§ To remove our
desire, which is our biggest enemy, more than the shaitan.
§ To kick out the
shaitan. Imagine a house, and this represents the mind, and the shaitan is
always waiting for a door or window to open to come in and cause smoke, subhan
Allah.
§ If you cannot
leave a good effect on the people, then at least don’t leave pain in their
heart.
How to treat anger (علاج الغضب)
§ Always think good about others, assume
good about others, don’t accuse them. Once we open the door of assuming and
accusing, then it opens the door to backbiting, spying, etc.
·
Surah Al Hujurat 12: (ٱلَّذِينَ
ءَامَنُواْ ٱجۡتَنِبُواْ كَثِيرً۬ا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعۡضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثۡمٌ۬ۖ
وَلَا تَجَسَّسُواْ وَلَا يَغۡتَب بَّعۡضُكُم بَعۡضًاۚ أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُڪُمۡ أَن يَأۡڪُلَ
لَحۡمَ أَخِيهِ مَيۡتً۬ا فَكَرِهۡتُمُوهُۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ۬
رَّحِيمٌ۬) (O you who
believe! Avoid much suspicion, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not,
neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his
dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allâh. Verily,
Allâh is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful)
§ Respect the cultures of others, a
broad-minded person should be understanding. For example, in some cultures,
guests are served glasses that are half-full, and if it is done somewhere else,
they would say you are miserly, subhan Allah.
§ Make dua’a for
others. If you are upset with someone, or if you have hurt someone, make dua’a
for that person, because Allah (swt) is the only opener of the hearts, subhan
Allah. And to make a dua’a for someone while they are absent, without them
knowing, then it is accepted, and the angel says ‘ameen and the same for you’.
Imagine a pure creation of Allah (swt) saying ameen for you, subhan Allah.
§ Always treat a person who is bad-mannered
as being disabled, because you are always a winner in the end. The Prophet (pbuh)
and Abu Bakr (ra) were walking, and a man was walking behind them and kept
speaking rudely to Abu Bakr (ra). Abu Bakr (ra) did not reply back to him,
until in the end he said, ‘the same to you’. Then the Prophet (pbuh) walked
away. Then Abu Bakr (ra) went to the Prophet (pbuh) and asked him did I do
something wrong. He said when you were not replying back, there were angels
replying back on your behalf. And as soon as you replied, there were shayateen,
and I left because I do not like to be in a gathering with shayateen, subhan
Allah.
§ If we try to talking back at someone every
time, then we are only mirroring their bad character.
§ Alhamdulliah that in Islam, we can get a
reward for everything, for being patient, suppressing our anger, etc, it is a
big incentive that we work for our Rabb.
§ There was a
story a divorced mother who was having trouble with her teenage daughter, she
wanted proof for everything – keep in mind they were not Muslims. So the mother
was seeking advice from a Muslim lady and wanted to know what she tell her
daughters. The teenager wants to wear inappropriate clothes, she wants to hang
out with the wrong crowd, etc. So the Muslim lady told her in Islam, we do
things in order to please our Lord. And subhan Allah, Allah (swt) opened the
heart of the teenage daughter to Islam, even before her mother, subhan Allah.
§ Three things never come back:
· Words that are spoken
· Arrow that is thrown
· And time, subhan Allah.
Forbearance (حلم)
§ You cannot have forbearance unless you
train yourself and practice to have forbearance. What is the difference between
(حلم) and (تحلم)?
· Imagine you are driving, and a cat comes
along the road and you break abruptly. This is (تحلم)
· But when have forbearance, then it comes
naturally and it comes from you ‘smoothly’, this is (حلم). You do not need that ‘brake’ like (تحلم).
§ Anger that is
not cured becomes a grudge, and this grudge becomes jealousy, just like the
brothers of Yaqoub (as) who were jealous of Yusuf (as). Unlike their father
Yaqoub (as) whowas sad, but he cured his anger and forgave them, subhan Allah.
§ Forbearance is
a quality of the Prophets. And to have this nature is positive for you and for
others. It is especially important to have this quality in the field of dawah
and when interacting with many people.
§ One of the
names of Allah (swt) is (الحليم), The Most Forbearing, and He treats us
with forbearance, so should we not treat others with forbearance? Subhan Allah.
§ The stages to
forbearance:
· Knowledge from the Quran and the Sunnah
· Practicing forbearance, until it becomes
natural in you
§ Allah (swt)
loves the strong believer, more than the weak believer. Meaning they have the
upper-hand and they can get react, but for Allah (swt) sake they suppress and
control themselves.
§ We should learn
from our experiences and not repeat the same mistake again and again.
§ Surah Yusuf 84:
(وَتَوَلَّىٰ عَنۡہُمۡ وَقَالَ يَـٰٓأَسَفَىٰ عَلَىٰ يُوسُفَ
وَٱبۡيَضَّتۡ عَيۡنَاهُ مِنَ ٱلۡحُزۡنِ فَهُوَ كَظِيمٌ۬) (And he turned away from them and said:
"Alas, my grief for Yûsuf (Joseph)!" And he lost his sight because of
the sorrow that he was suppressing.)
· He was sad to the point be became blind
out of sadness, but he controlled his anger and forgave them.
§ Surah Yusuf 9:
(ٱقۡتُلُواْ يُوسُفَ أَوِ ٱطۡرَحُوهُ أَرۡضً۬ا يَخۡلُ لَكُمۡ
وَجۡهُ أَبِيكُمۡ وَتَكُونُواْ مِنۢ بَعۡدِهِۦ قَوۡمً۬ا صَـٰلِحِينَ) ("Kill Yûsuf (Joseph) or cast him
out to some (other) land, so that the favour of your father may be given to you
alone, and after that you will be righteous folk (by intending repentance
before committing the sin).")
· All of the sons loved their father, so
they want to know why their father loved Yusuf (as). But they did not control
this anger, which turned into a grudge, and then envy. You can never get
anything positive by doing something bad, subhan Allah.
· Yusuf (as) forgave his brothers when he
was at the peak of his power and while the brothers were low and humiliated.
And this shows you why the stronger believer is more beloved to Allah (swt)
than the weaker one, subhan Allah.
§ We get hurt the
most by those we love.
§ Positive things
from forbearance:
· Some people are naturally forbearing
and others have to practice to be forbearing, but of course the reward is
different.
· Your dignity is always saved, your
honor is always there. Because when you throw something, and then you regret,
it won’t be the same.
· By being forbearing you will never regret,
and you will think better. Don’t react when you are angry.
· A person who is forbearing will gain the
respect of others. If we lose that, we lose many things. People who are
forbearing are very near to people’s hearts. There are some people that you are
forced to smile at them, and you just want to run away from them, and there are
some people you just want to be with them, subhan Allah.
· Being forbearing will allow you to solve a
problem with logic.
§ The Prophet
(pbuh) told the companions that the one about to enter is a man of paradise,
and he said this three times, and each time it was him. One of the companions
wanted to know what was special about him, so he went to his house and made up
a story in order to stay with him. After three days, the companion told him I
just made up my story to know what you are doing because the Prophet (pbuh)
said you are a dweller of paradise, but I did not notice anything extra you
were doing. He said before I sleep, I say, ‘O Allah I forgive all who backbite
me, who make fitna for me, and do bad to me.’ Can we really do something like
this? Subhan Allah.
§ A positive
person:
· Is always smiling
· Ready to help others without any reward,
nothing in return
· No expectations from others
· They are very understanding
· They see good in everybody, they
know that everyone has good and bad
Becoming angry is not a defect. It is normal.
Fiqh of the Hearts (فقه القلوب) – Part 11
Recap
Words of Wisdom:
§ The attributes of the Slaves of Ar Rahman is to keep away from fights and fitna, they want to be in peace. They don’t want to jeopardize their peace and mood – so they say ‘salama’.
§ A man asked the Prophet (pbuh) for advice, and three times he said, ‘do not get angry’.
§ Oman bin Khattab (ra) said you are successful if you are protected from greed, desires, and anger, subhan Allah.
§ The Arabs have a saying that you cannot be a leader who has a habit of taking revenge.
§ Have mercy on the people on earth, and the One in the heavens will have mercy on you.
§ Luqman says to his son: ‘Oh my son, people are not known unless in three moments:
· Forbearance at the time of anger
· Courage at the time of war
· Knowing his brother at the time of need
§ Anger is one of the diseases of the heart, which is what we are trying to tackle.
§ Be like the rain, which is beneficial wherever it goes, it cleans whatever is dirty, it gives moisture to whatever is dry.
§ The more you become humble, the more Allah (swt) will elevate you and you will look great in the eyes of the people. And the more arrogant you become, the more Allah (swt) will bring you down and make you look small in the eyes of the people, subhan Allah.
§ You cannot become forbearing until you train yourself to be forbearing. Just as when wanting to have kushu’ in the prayer, you have to struggle constantly and train yourself.
Reasons for Anger
# Hunger
# Lack of sleep
# Ego
# Being defensive – always want to react and say something, there is always friction. And to extinguish this ‘fire’, this anger:
· Give an excuse for the one who is getting angry
· Do ihsaan to them, make dua’a for them, and that is a great cure for yourself because you are forgiving that person and it extinguishes the pain in your heart, subhan Allah.
· Be forbearing
· There was a lady who was being kind to her in-laws, but she was having expectations from them and started to have a grudge. And that is what happens when you are doing things for others and not for Allah (swt). Until she understood that one has to do things for Allah (swt), was she finally able to lose that grudge and unhappiness.
· Anger is fire, and the shaitan is made of fire. And to extinguish it, you need water, which is why it is recommended to make wudu. The places of wudu are the places that are most affected from the anger, subhan Allah. And if wudu is not enough, then take a shower.
Cure to Anger (علاج الغضب)
%Remembrance of Allah (swt) (ذكر الله)
% Suppress the anger (كظم الغيظ): though you may not forget the anger, but you can forgive. Yacoub (as) is an example of this, he did not forget what happened to his Yusuf (as), but he did ihsan and forgave.
% Seeking refuge from Allah (swt) (التعوذ): you are asking protection from Allah (swt) from the cursed shaitan. You are asking Allah (swt) to make a shield and protect me from the shaitan.
%Wudhu and ghusl (الوضوء و الغسل)
% Change your position (تحول الوضع): if standing, then sit. If sitting, then lie down. How do we change our position?
· Physically
· Changing your thinking, think how do you want Allah (swt) to treat you? You want to gain Allah’s love and to be of the muhsineen. Being muhsin is not when people are being kind to you, but those who are making you upset, and still you do ihsan, subhan Allah.
· Change your words: change the topic and talk about something else.
% Think about the consequences when being angry, you might win with your words in the duniya, as senseless as it might be, but you have lost so much reward with Allah (swt).
% Surah Al Fat’h 29 :
مُّحَمَّدٌ۬ رَّسُولُ ٱللَّهِۚ وَٱلَّذِينَ مَعَهُ ۥۤ أَشِدَّآءُ عَلَى ٱلۡكُفَّارِ رُحَمَآءُ بَيۡنَہُمۡۖ تَرَٮٰهُمۡ رُكَّعً۬ا سُجَّدً۬ا يَبۡتَغُونَ فَضۡلاً۬ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ وَرِضۡوَٲنً۬اۖ سِيمَاهُمۡ فِى وُجُوهِهِم مِّنۡ أَثَرِ ٱلسُّجُودِۚ
(Muhammad (SAW) is the Messenger of Allâh, And those who are with him are severe against disbelievers, and merciful among themselves. You see them bowing and falling down prostrate (in prayer), seeking Bounty from Allâh and (His) Good Pleasure. The mark of them (i.e. of their Faith) is on their faces (foreheads) from the traces of prostration (during prayers).
· Allah (swt) is affirming that Mohammed (pbuh) is His messenger. Always think good about others, the problem is when we think bad about others, and think good of ourselves. Subhan Allah. Give negative to yourself, and give positive to others – this is how you will be just.
· Some people have defects, but see the good in them.
· Women are made from the rib of the man, and it is not a defect, it is beautiful. It means if you try to straighten it, then it will break. And this regardless of the relationship – whether husband and wife, parents and children, friend and friend, etc.
· And you see the companions were in prayer because that is what gives them relief. Why do they pray? Because they want the bounty and pleasure of Allah (swt). They want to please Allah (swt).
· That is why after the dwellers of paradise are given everything, they will be asked, and imagine they are not asking for this, but Allah (swt) will tell them directly, ‘I am pleased with you and will never be angry with you’ – so they will be happy forever, subhan Allah.
· Because they are doing so much sujood – which means doing submission with your heart first, then the body. Many people take it as a misconception and think that it has to show physically. There are people who are standing in the dark at night, talking to their Lord – will it not show on their faces? Subhan Allah. The more you run towards Allah (swt), the more your time will be blessed. And the more you are running behind the duniya, the tighter your time will become.
· If your concentration is just to please Allah (swt), He will take care of your load in the duniya. But those who wake up whose concern is duniya, then He will put all of the load of the duniya on their shoulders, subhan Allah.
Ibn Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said
* Do not spoil your happiness with worries.
* Do not spoil your mind with pessimism
* Do not spoil your success with deception
* Do not spoil others happiness by destroying it. Some people cannot stand to see you positive or happy, they have to put smoke. Avoid such people.
* Do not spoil your day by thinking about yesterday. Your today should be better than yesterday, and your tomorrow should be better than today. If your today is not better than yesterday, then you have not achieved, subhan Allah.
Controlling Anger
% We should deal with people with the heart, not because of their outside.
% Sometimes people get angry out of habit, but they have to change it. How? By struggling for it until their anger lessens and lessens.
% When angry, remember something good about the person:
· Remember their ihsan to you
· Kindness
· Help
· Praise
· Encouragements
· Patience
· Good moments
% That is why it is important to keep in your memory something good about the people.
%Human value is not what you have but what you give. The sun has fire, but it does not give fire, it gives heat, it gives what is beneficial.
Importance of controlling anger (أهمية كظم الغيظ)
Do your ihsan, and ask for the reward from Allah (swt) and not from others:
· Surah Al Hujurat
2: (ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱجۡتَنِبُواْ كَثِيرً۬ا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعۡضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثۡمٌ۬ۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُواْ وَلَا يَغۡتَب بَّعۡضُكُم بَعۡضًاۚ أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُڪُمۡ أَن يَأۡڪُلَ لَحۡمَ أَخِيهِ مَيۡتً۬ا فَكَرِهۡتُمُوهُۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ۬ رَّحِيمٌ۬
(O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allâh. Verily, Allâh is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful.)
· Be understanding and merciful towards others. Sometimes this misconception will lead you to sin. And do not spy or do backbite. We have to clean what is inside of us. Does anyone like to see a covered tray and when it is opened there is a dead body on it? Never. And this is how Allah (swt) compares to those who backbite, it is like eating the flesh of your dead brother.
§ Be soft and gentle towards others.
· Surah Al Imran 15
فَبِمَا رَحۡمَةٍ۬ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمۡۖ وَلَوۡ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلۡقَلۡبِ لَٱنفَضُّواْ مِنۡ حَوۡلِكَۖ فَٱعۡفُ عَنۡہُمۡ وَٱسۡتَغۡفِرۡ لَهُمۡ وَشَاوِرۡهُمۡ فِى ٱلۡأَمۡرِۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمۡتَ فَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُتَوَكِّلِينَ
(And by the Mercy of Allâh, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh¬hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allâh's) Forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affairs. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allâh, certainly, Allâh loves those who put their trust (in Him).
· It was the kindness of the Prophet (pbuh) that won the hearts of others. And when you are determined to do something, then have tawakul. Which is to take the means, and leave the result on Allah (swt), and that makes you content with whatever results come from Allah (swt) – whether good or bad, it is all good because it is from Allah (swt), subhan Allah.
§ You do not want to have hatred against the believers because you do not know their status with Allah (swt), subhan Allah.
· Surah Al Hashr 10
وَالَّذِينَ جَاءُوا مِن بَعْدِهِمْ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لَنَا وَلِإِخْوَانِنَا الَّذِينَ سَبَقُونَا بِالْإِيمَانِ وَلَا تَجْعَلْ فِي قُلُوبِنَا غِلًّا لِّلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا رَبَّنَا إِنَّكَ رَءُوفٌ رَّحِيمٌ
(And those who came after them say: "Our Lord! Forgive us and our brethren who have preceded us in Faith, and put not in our hearts any hatred against those who have believed. Our Lord! You are indeed full of kindness, Most Merciful)
§ Omar bin Khattab (ra) came to kill the Prophet (pbuh) and he became his best friend and follower, subhan Allah. Why?
· Surah Fussilat 34
(The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allâh orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.)
: وَلَا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّيِّئَةُ ۚ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ
§ Take whatever people give you, but do not go down to their level.
§ Whoever does good, then it is good for himself, and whoever does bad, then it is bad for himself.
Fiqh of the Hearts (فقه القلوب) – Part 10
Anger Management
When Allah created our hearts (without blood): it initially looked so pure, transparent, white (physically as well as spiritually).
Allah says in The Qur’an:
“The Day when there will not benefit [anyone] wealth or children. But only one who comes to Allah with a sound heart” [Qur’an – 26:89]
Allah wants us to have a very clear heart: physically and also spiritually.
Why? Because the heart is the place where our faith, Taqwa is increased.
“Reflect”:
Imagine a nail in a piece of wood. If you remove it, the wood will have some cracks or whole. A mark will remain on the wood:
Now imagine when someone hurts another person: it will also leave a mark… even if the person forgives… It is there somewhere and it can’t be deleted.
Example: Rice experiment (water + rice): in two jars some scientists put rice and water and they said in one of them: “I love you” and in the other jar: “I hate you”!
The realized with time that the rice started changing… it had impact on the rice, it got affected! The first rice stayed nice and had a nice smell. The second rice became rotten and had an unpleasant smell.
So imagine when the affect is on people!
Some other experiments were made on the water: the molecules are changing! The water changes into beautiful crystals molecules when it received the words “thank you” and it became ugly molecules when it received the words “I will kill you”.
They also tried with different tones of voices and realized it also have impacts on the water. They tried by saying, “Do it” with anger and “Do it” with love.
We do not need any experiment to believe! The Sahaaba did not have the help of science but believed firmly. Science came later. We just refer to science to strengthen our belief at times.
Hadith:
“On the authority of Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him): A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) and said, “Advise me.” He [the Prophet (peace be upon him)] said, “Do not become angry.” The man repeated [his request] several times and he [the Prophet (peace be upon him)] said, “Do not become angry.” [Recorded by al-Bukhari]
“Reflect”:
“Don’t blow fire that it will be difficult for you to extinguish!”
Before exploding, cool down…
There are many reasons that aggravates anger:
- Too much self esteem
- Joking too much
- Greed
We will get angry as human beings. It is natural. But the better ones among us are those who can control it.
Imagine anger as boiling water on fire. If you close the lid the water will still boil inside…
In order to stop the water from boiling you should close the fire as well! Then make this water fresh, put sugar in this water, make it nice and cool…
Dangers of Anger:
· Anger can turn into a grudge: (Hiqt)
· This grudge can turn into Hasad (envy)
“The angry person is like a balloon: no matter how big the balloon is, with only one needle it will burst!”
The negative anger always creates regret! Always regrets come behind it. The people around this person will also become regretful and it will cause a lot of worry.
People who love each other will start hating each other.
If we reach that stage, we have to cure this anger. At the time of anger communication is not possible, the message is not conveyed, the message is blocked with the mind.
When a person is angry, he or she will see people’s small defects. They will have like binoculars to see others mistakes and don’t see their own mistakes and defects.
We want to change the battery: we want the battery to work very well (positive and negative).
What happens to the physical body of an angry person? (see short documentary of effect of Stress (we have it in our Blog posted)
http://masjidbanihashim.blogspot.ae/2014/04/effects-of-stress.html
Scientifically, many changes happen in the body:
http://masjidbanihashim.blogspot.ae/2014/04/effects-of-stress.html
Scientifically, many changes happen in the body:
· The heartbeat accelerates
· The blood pressure increases
· The body responds as if under attack
· The body constricts the blood vessels to prevent you from bleeding to death.
· The blood will start clotting in order to prevent you from bleeding internally.
· The digestion will be affected.
· The systems which are necessary for your well-being will be shut.
· The blood supply to the stomach will become slow and the body won’t digest properly. It can lead to fatal diseases.
· The Immune system will be suppressed. You will become sick easier.
Expression: “that makes me sick!” Truly anger can make us sick…
· The breathing pattern changes, anxiety and panic attack can occur.
The advice people give is right: “Take a deep breath”
· Aging will become faster.
· The perspiration will be increased. Anxious people sweat more.
· The muscles will suddenly receive more blood and it can damage the muscles when they are not used to it.
· The Blood sugar rises. This can lead to hormonal problems and your body can age faster.
· The libido will change and reduce.
· The stress hormones are activating energy supplies from all body parts and it can cause an increase of the body fat around the belly.
Simple way to cure anger:
1. Knowledge
2. Action
3. Patience
Knowledge:
Learn from Quran and sunnah what Allah and His messenger teach us.
“And those who avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they are angry, they forgive,”[Surah Ash-Shura - verse 37]
It is normal to become angry but we need to learn how to control it. We need to cool down to forgive.
Forgive the people; remember the good things from them. Tell them the good things and make yourself far from those ignorant people. Ignorant people are those who hurt, say bad words…
We want peace so don’t lower your level in front of anybody.
Very simple advice: Don’t reach to that position of anger.
Hadith
Abu Dharr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said to us, “If one of you is angry when he is standing, let him sit down so that the anger will leave him; otherwise, let him lie down.”[Sunan Abu Dawud 4782]
Just move physically, move your heart, move your imagination, move with your mind… imagine Jannah…
Patience
Ibn Abbas reported: about [verse 96 - Surah Mu’minoon] Patience at the time of anger.
Hadith:
A man at the time of anger he could have taken big revenge but then he remembered Allah and say: “I leave it to Allah” and he forgives that person.
On the day of Judgement this person will be told by Allah: “Remember that day when you remembered Me and left the revenge, Allah will reward this person with Hoor al Ain / One of the Jewel of Paradise” (two Narrations)
“Remember the consequences of anger are worst than if we control it.”
The precaution is always better than the cure. We can loose a friend forever if we are getting angry with her. Frictions, one day it will cause fire (like matches) Don’t play with it!
What are the rewards of controlling our anger?
Love of Allah! Allah loves this kind of nature so do it for Him. I know I love Allah but I need His love!
Allah loves the “Muhsineen”
Allah praises Yusuf in Quran because of his character! He could have taken the worst revenge against his brothers! Allah brought him at the highest position because of his character.
Yusuf said: “Today, I do not hold anything on you”
Muhammad (saw) also had the best character. When he entered Makkah victorious he did not take revenge from the Quraish who put the worst parts of the camel intestine on his back,
They Quraish of Makkah were all shaking, some even ran away… He (saw) called them and he forgave them.
This is patience! Glad tiding to the patient ones.
All good deeds are written but about sabr Allah said: “leave it on Me” (sickness…)
Example: sickness: When they will see the reward for their patience, they will say: “I wish I was cut in pieces in dunia!”
Actions:
- Move physically when you are angry. The earth pulls the negativity from the body! The earth is positive and it will help you.
- Seek refuge against Shaytan.
- Shaytan controls the person who is angry! Very easy for them because the mind is blocked.
- Perform Wudu: We need water to bring down the fire. Shaytan is fire so Wudu will help you! Water helps a lot! Anger is a fire!
“Turn the bitter lemon onto a sweet lemon juice”.
Turn this relation that is bitter into a sweet relation. Be better! If there is enmity between you, become sweet to this person.
Simple things that we can do to protect us form the anger:
- Humbleness: nobody is lower than us.
- Praise Allah and thank the others
- Be thankful and Allah will give you more. Remember the one who gave you.
- Don’t forget to thank people and do not forget the kindness of others. But don’t remember your own kindness to others! Save what others did for you. At time of anger remember the good from this person and forget what you did for this person.
- Arrogant people cannot forgive. This is a characteristic of Iblees.
- Remember your own value: from where are you created? Remember the blessings of Allah
- Knowledge
- Good manners: will bring you near Prophet (saw) in Paradise!
- Remember that bad things create bad result and you cannot rebuild the relation again.
Allah says:
“And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend. But none is granted it except those who are patient, and none is granted it except one having a great portion [of good]” [Surah Fussilat - verse 34 and 35]
The good deeds cannot be equal to the bad.
Push the bad with the good. We expect too much from others that is the main reason we are having problem.
Do well for everyone and don’t expect anything from them. “Throw it in the sea and forget about it”
2 options at times of anger:
- The anger is not cooling down…if not solved, revenge will be taken.
- Either the revenge is taken one to one: hit the same place, same way: it is fair! But if done with more strength it is unjust! You can revenge with the exact way but it is dangerous because how do you know if you are exactly taking revenge the same way? You could become a Dhaleem.
- The best is to do Ihsan: do more than forgiving. They were so bad to you and you were so kind!
- Human nature: we are good to those who are good to us! The problem comes when the people are bad to us! How do we react? This is the Ijtihaad!
- Cure the anger before it becomes a big disease. Save your health!
Some of the reasons of anger:
- Hunger
- Because of tiredness
- By nature some people are angry easily. Not curing the anger can become a reflect, an habit that will become part of the person’s nature. Learn how to control anger the same way you learn how to drive a car!
How to cure the anger?
- Remind yourself about the rewards that you will gain for controlling your anger
- The Ibaadur Rahmaan (Surah Al Furqaan): they are peacemakers. If someone talks bad to them they reply with peace.
- The morning and evening supplications are helping: this is like a fortress for you. You get bodyguards from this Adhkaar. It will protect you from hasad, jinns, a’in, your nafs that pulls you towards evil…
- Wudu and Ghusl
- Changing the position
- Your nafs had right: the body has to receive its right: rest, sleep, food… Your deen has right: seeking knowledge, worshipping… Your family has right: husbands, parents…
So you should have a balanced life! You can take too much upon yourself!
“Nobody of you is better than me in faith, I fast and I eat, I marry, I rest and I do night prayer, who does not want my Sunnah is not from me”
Don’t go extreme. Have a balanced life! If you have right intention your whole life is Ibaadah! Imbalance in our life can lead to anger…
- Ignoring: Ignoring the bad that someone does to you. (At-Tajaahu) As if it did not happen. It is a very good attitude.
Beautiful wisdom:
“If you cannot bring somebody to your level of Akhlaaq, don’t go down to their level of Akhlaaq.”
Tell your tongue: “mister tongue, your are fired for 10 minutes!” That is the best way you can give the message to a person who makes you angry. Your eye look can kill a person!
“Reflect”:
You can reach so high, but imagine you can reach high! Have a good imagination! Imagine your position high in Paradise! Remember the good things of that person who makes you angry. Have strong imagination to cool down form anger.
Another way to control your anger:
- Change your position: from standing, sit down…Change the atmosphere, do anything to spend your energy
- Remind yourself about the rewards and the consequences of exploding out of anger, Swallow the bad word that wants to come out.
- Make du’a for yourself and that person who angers you.
- Start thinking to please Allah
- Make wudu
- Seek refuge in Allah
- Stop talking for a while; keep quiet until you cool down.
Moreover, at time of anger don’t make decision or say things that you will regret after.
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